A little piece of me...

So, I have recently been told that I don’t really allow people to see the real me. “I don’t let people know the real me. Is that true?” No. I don’t fake who I am, I just don’t let people see all of me. I don’t hide all of me but I just don’t let people see all sides to me until I know they truly do care about me. I have often said you and those of you who have taken the time to get to know me also know this, I am not your typical girl and to know me is to know that. So let me give you a little insight in case you are curious.


-First and foremost, the most commonly misunderstood thing about me. Let’s get this straight right now…. I am not materialistic at all. I do enjoy shopping, I do enjoy expensive things, however, I don’t have to have them and I don’t need them. I am just as content shopping at Target or TJ MAXX. I would rather live on a farm and muck stalls than live in Manhattan or DC. It’s not my scene. I certainly can get all dressed up and hit the town but I am a simple girl who loves the comforts of home. Privacy and quiet southern style living is more my desire. Shopping on 5th avenue is something I could do once a decade without feeling ridiculous but I would much rather hang out on the river, ride a horse, sit at a dive bar, or spend time with friends at concerts and laid back events. If you knew me and the real reason I shop, you would understand that it’s not something I will always do and there is a reason I do it so much now!

-I am a talker but when I am thinking about something or I am shy or uncomfortable, even a little uncertain about a situation or a person, I am quiet.

-It’s all or nothing with me. If I am going to do something, I put everything I have into it. I know when to cut my losses but if it is something I am interested in, I will always try 100% to see what the outcome will be. If I am interested in someone for example, I do not want to rush into anything but I have to know that we are on the same page and staying on the same page to move forward continuly or else I need to cut my losses. If someone has no desire to ever get more serious, I have to leave. If someone knows they care but aren’t sure where it is going but want to continue to see if there could be a next step, ok. I am all in. If someone knows they want something but aren’t ready yet but want to continue to help the relationship grow. Ok, again I am all in. I just have to know which one it’s gonna be. I won’t waste your time and don’t waste mine. Once I am secure in knowing, I am fine.

-I am very blunt. If I have something I feel strongly about I will say what is on my mind. I may have to talk to someone and collect my thoughts but I will say it.

-I truly respect people for who they are and what they do. I will always put myself in someone else’s shoes and figure out where they are coming from. That doesn’t mean I have to like them but I do respect them. That being said, I do not believe you can change someone and nor should you try. So girls, stop trying to change your men.

-I have not had the perfect life with white picket fences like some of you would like to think. If you knew me and knew what I have been through and why I am the person I am today, you would know that. I have had far from a perfect life or even normal.
-When I make a decision to let someone into my world, my life, my heart, it is because I love and trust them unconditionally.


-My relationships with my father, mother and sister were far from perfect and still are. I just value family over everything else.

-My feelings about my father and his death are very private to me and I do not share them with anyone but those I truly trust and I know love me. I can easily talk about my father dying but I do not easily talk about my feelings about it and the issues I have with it. So because I talk about it doesn’t mean I am really TALKING about it.

-I love you. Is a hard thing for me. It is not easy for me to say or hear. They are words I take very seriously and scare me all at the same time. Once, I have heard it and the feelings behind it are real, I will get the words out and once I do it’s not a problem. The first time with anyone friends, family, and boyfriends is hard for me.

-I push people away before they have the chance to do it to me. SImple and clear.

-I would do almost anything for anyone, even my worst enemy or someone I have never met. Though I get taken advantage of often, I will not compromise who I am to change that. If you have and someone else does not you should give to them. If they wrong you, it is not your fault, it is theirs. You were still a good person.

-I laugh at inappropriate times, I cry at chessy movies, I am the worlds biggest klutz, I have my insecurities, I love 80’s and early 90’s TV shows, I am a little high class, a little white trash, a little bit country and a lot of ok with that. I curse like a sailor and hate it, I have dreams bigger than the world, and I am as quirky as they get.


Now, that is certainly not all of me but there is a piece of me. I am not the cold hearted bitch some like to think I am. I am just jaded and it takes me a while to truly trust someone. I have been screwed by my friends, boyfriends and even my family so I reserve a lot of myself until I know someone’s intentions are good and true. So please, understand that it’s not personal, I am not faking anything, I just need to reserve myself until I know what someone’s intentions are.