VA's for lovers & Dupont's for weirdos!!

Now for those of you that aren’t familiar with Dupont Circle, let me give you a quick run down. Dupont Circle is a historic and large neighborhood in DC, with the heart of the neighborhood being a traffic circle. Now in typical DC fashion, it is not just a traffic circle, inside the traffic circle is a park with a beautiful fountain. A huge attraction to DC locals the park attracts all kinds. Me, I just like to watch people. OK, I like to laugh at people. I know what everyone says, “If you have nothing nice to say, go sit next to Ashton” I say I speak the truth even if it’s me… “ If you want to be entertained by my views on weird people, come sit next to me.” Now let’s get to the good stuff. Today I encountered Yankee Doodle Dandy (what the picture above doesn’t show is that his ultra chic bowler hat was outfitted with a snazzy yellow feather and he had skinny jeans on Barbie couldn’t pull off, and they were rolled up to his knees!), there were two homeless dudes spooning in the park, under a hand held umbrella, wearing sweatshirts…. HELLOOOOO 90 degrees today! I saw many attractive guys who depressed me because the only thing we would have had in common was that we both liked men. I saw some bikers(like mullet sporting Harley Davidson riding) playing chess with the large concrete chess game provided by the lovely city of DC! I passed a shop that had creatively decorated their store front by placing life size casts of the human form. Oh and did I mention all the men’s tighty whiteys that were strewn through the window as well? They were lovely, Some read “need head” while others read “eat me” and “addicted to sex” Yes, that’s right… no lie! I was accosted by lesbian rights activists and they asked me for money, I escaped only to find 2 doors down I was accosted by another group of people who tried to persuade me to stop and listen to their human rights speil. Well I am human and I have the right to walk down the street and not be bothered! I appreciate and understand your cause but leave me alone! Hears an idea, instead of asking me for money, why don’t they offer me money? I am however stoked about Saturday’s venture to Dupont to meet Zak in his neighborhood for our Picnic in the Park date. We are going to Whole foods where I can pretend to be healthy for the day, then taking our lunch out the park were we can sit under a tree and laugh at weird people and enjoy free entertainment all afternoon! I don’t even have to worry about being hit on by men because they will be hitting on Zak! SOOOOO I can’t wait!

I have a movie crush!

Yes, I know I don't have the best taste in movies.... we all know that! But I have formed a crush on Tyler Perry movies! Madea Goes to Jail, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Family Reunion, and now my new fav.... Daddy's Little Girls. I love Tyler Perry Movies and I don't care who knows it.... Go ahead and laugh!!!

Productivity, a great thing!

Today doesn't include anytime for fun and games... Super busy day! in fact my entire week is structured like this. Training people, meetings, paperwork, oil changes, cleaning, painting, and more cleaning.... I haven't slept or even had time to relax for more than 45 mins a day... Why was I in such a hurry to grow up? I should have stayed a kid! Anyone want to help today?

Here's my Agenda:
5-Let dog out and start coffee
5:15-Coffee & News
6-feed dogs, start laundry, work out
6:30-Laundry
6:45-Blog
7- Shower
7:30-Finish laundry, Hair & Makeup
8-More coffee & put laundry away
8:30-Head to the office
9- Meeting
9:30-Head to store and Start Training Class
10-Continue training until 12
12-Meeting
1-lunch
1:15-5 Continue Training
5-SEND TRAINEE HOME!!! YAY!!!
5:30-Home....Let the dogs out and feed them
6-Work out & Paint some trim
7-Clean my bathroom and guest bathroom
7:30-Clean guest room & Let dogs out again
8-Clean Car (vaccum, clean windows, trash, shine leather)
9:45-Begin packing for the weekend
10:30-Trim my own hair(No time to get to the salon)
11-Let dogs out
11:15- spend time with my dog
12:00-bedtime only to have to get up and do it all again at 5 am again!

Not protected & Not served...

Now let me ask you a question… when you call the police, it’s for an emergency correct? Ok, now… When people rob a bank, sell drugs, steal a car, are they the ones to call the police and say, “hey look Mr. police man… look what I did.” NO, it’s the person who has been violated or witnessed someone breaking the law. Well today after witnessing the aftermath of domestic violence and this girl I know locking herself in the bathroom after her husband punched her and broke her cell phone in half so she couldn’t call the police, I was outraged when the officer stated he couldn’t arrest her husband because he had a scratch on his neck…. WELLLLL! Hey Captain obvious, She is the one with a knot on her head, a bruised shoulder, locked in a bathroom crying hysterically, scared for her life and I believe she was the one who called you and it is HER cell phone that lay broken in the street but your right, the guy standing there laughing is innocent. Of course he has a scratch on his neck she was trying to get him off of her! Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he was assaulting her and she’s frightened…. He all the while is cool, calm and collected. As he stood there laughing and talking to the police officer while she sat there in tears trying to figure out where she was going to go and what she could legally do with her children since she obviously can’t go home, I was outraged. I wanted to cry for her and at the same time punch both her husband and the officer. Really? Really…? He gets to go home and relax while she has to complete the rest of her day at work scared for her self and her children, trying to figure out where she can go and take her kids to get away from him. I can’t believe this is legal! I am so disappointed and angry at our state and government for even allowing this to happen! Where was the protect and serve? Who was he protecting? Who was he serving? Not her…. The man that beat her…. But it’s cool no need to worry till she winds up in a body bag! Someone please make sense of this for me…. I have never been so frustrated and upset!

True Addiction!

HBO's True Blood is my TRUE ADDICTION! Really... It is! I have never missed an episode and I schedule my Sunday's around it! If I am out of town, if I am out on the town, or if I am out and up to no good.... I have it covered! I PVR every episode anyways... There is not a person I have introduced to the show that has not fallen in love with it and become an addict as well! The whole point of this is, I am not sure what I am going to do now.... 3 weeks, that's all I have left! There are only 3 episodes left in the season... Then what am I gonna watch on Sundays and I'll have to wait months before I find out what all is going on in that drama filled world.... Not cool.... Need to find a new Sunday night show I guess. Hope everyone had a good Monday!

Love,

Ash

Things that make you go hmmm????

Would you consider moving from Sham-Wow to the Slap Chop a demotion or promotion or is that more of a lateral move in the As Seen On TV world? Was the slap chop named after the host recent indiscretions? You know the one…. The one where the hooker called the cops on him for beating her, all charges were dropped when he explained that she bit his tounge and refused to let go? Someone please explain this to me. I wonder what is next on this sleeze ball’s agenda?

Textsfromlastnight.com

If you have not checked this out, you should.... It cracks me up! Here are my favs!

(417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

(317): honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

(706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

(703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

(757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

(416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.

(516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

(678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

(440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!

(916): and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

(781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
(1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

(508): billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.

(317): i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants

(204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week

(610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her


Seriously, this cracks me up.... why because they are actually texts that are sent! I would hate to see some of my drunken texts up there. Yikes! Go To textsfromlastnight.com

Gone Cruisin...

Finally a vacation.... Ok so not that a cruise is something I would choose first as a vaca (I kinda like having my feet planted on the ground, other than sailing) but I am goin! For Crystal's birthday we are going to cruise to go figure one of my favorite places..... The Bahamas and then CocoKay and Florida. Not only do I get a vaca.... (haven't had in a while) I get to go with Crys! SOOOO Excited! Then on top of that... Mom's taking the fam on a vacation to the Atlantis (yes, again... I love Atlantis) in February or March! YAY!!!! Maybe next year I'll actually make it to Ireland, Sweden, or Paris as well. Or at least just one. I booked my flight yesterday and started shopping already! Can't wait!

What did I do to myself???

Note to self: No more biting into ice or peanuts or peanut M & M's or Almonds.... When in doubt that chewing those things is not an issue, I want you to be reminded of this.... One of those items has broken teeth in the past and this most recent was a mess. 2 root canals, 1 tooth.... not so good things! I am in a tremendous amount of pain and I believe it's because once the numbness faded the fact that this jerk was jamming things up in my tooth in a not so gentle manner was finally felt. These things he was jamming were sharp and drilled holes in my tooth. Then he busted out with numerous little torturous devices that qould give you nightmares at the sight of. I am not sure how I thought... "oh this isn't that bad." I knew for sure the fact that I bit my cheek a million and one times was going to make me mad when I regained feeling, I had even accepted that my jaw would be sore, my tooth would be sore and my gums would be tender.... Nope realistically, My jaw hurts like hell, my tooth is throbbing, my cheek is swollen and sore! It feels like someone hit me in the mouth with a brick! Stupid broken tooth, Stupid root canal, Stupid not so cheap bill, Stupid not so gentle Dentist.... No more.... No more!

Dear Mr. Dentist

Since I am in a letter writing kinda mood. I feel the need to share one more.

Dear Mr. Dentist,

I promise to be in your chair by 8:45am if you promise to be gentle. I understand that a cracked tooth that leads to a root canal is not necessarily going be a gentle process but could you please try? I am a little nervous and a lot tired and please understand I have had a long, stressful, frustrating week.... Be nice to me and my mouth! You were very gentle with the first portion of this root canal, please be gentle again with this second portion! By the way... Why am I having a second portion anyways? 1 tooth and already had the root canal.... can you have more than one root canal on a tooth or do you just want more money? Probably just want money, oh well.... again, please be careful....

Thank you in advance,

ME

Leaving on a jet plane...

Don't know if I'll be back again! So, I am glad I came though I am leaving more confused than ever.... So I really have something to say that I can't really say out loud.... Ready?

Dear Stupid Boy,

I know you care. Act like it. You use to and then recently things changed??? I am not sure why but I think I know. There are a few things that make things a little more complicated than most people have to deal with but, really? I care too. I'd be willing to make things work..... aren't you? You make attempts to do and say things friends don't do and let's face it, we've never been just friends! Why would you act like we are? Simple and easy may seem ok and good for now but let me tell you.... you are the one missing out! Get it together and collect yourself. Realize what is good for you and what is right or YOU will miss out on the best thing that has happened to you and so will I! Giving this a try could lead to something great or maybe not but at least we gave it an honest try! You ran away for whatever reason but you need to figure it out before someone else gets lucky and treats me good!

Love,

Ashton

Enough is enough... get your act together grow up and act like a man! Treat me right and land me..... you'll thank me later!

God's Cake

My sister posted this in her blog and I thought it was a refreshing reminder and wanted to share it with ya'll!

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you.. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Leaving Louisville

So, do you know what I am excited about? Curling up in bed with the dog! Yup! Oh and I can't wait to get my arms around my nephew and squeeze him tight! Oh how I miss the normalcy of my life in VA! I miss the 3 things that make me happy.... My dog, my family, and my friends! I can't wait to lay around and drink some wine and catch up with my friends, cuddle up in bed with the dog, and spend weekends hanging out with my family who happens to be so totally amazing. Lately, our family has had some tragedies occur and I can't even begin to tell you how much I learn from tragedy! I am so lucky to have such an amazing family! I also learned yesterday that someone in Corey's group was killed and one was seriously injured. His wife let me know he was OK but please pray for him and his family. Well, off to the bar I go to heal my voice and drown my sorrows! Love ya'll!

Life Ain't Always Beautiful.... or at least the past 3 days haven't been!

The perfect song to sum up the past couple of days.....

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way


But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride



Sometimes, you just have to smile and act like every thing's OK even when you just want to cry because you are disappointed and hurt by the way things turned out.... That's how I spent yesterday.... Smiling.... until I sat at the Bar with Casey.... Poor guy had to sit there and watch me cry! I just couldn't stop it! I had been holding it back all day and I just couldn't do it anymore! Could something just go right for once? I deserve it! ughhhh!

Louisville here I am......

After being delayed out of DC by about an hour Casey & I thought a $7 drink on the plane was well deserved. After finally landing in Cincinatti, OH we weren’t shocked to find that our 30 minute flight to Louisiville, KY was delayed simply because it seemed to be the luck of our day. However, this was a perfect time to continue drinking. We positioned our self strategically at the bar in front of our gate (ALWAYS THINKING.) Halfway through my bottle of wine Casey figures out why we were being delayed. Louisville at this point had been flooding for the past hour. 7 inches of rain was falling every hour… The river was rising and cars were floating down the street! NICE!!!! Luckily, the airport was far enough away from the river, it didn’t flood but it was just the heavy rains that had been delaying us. So after my bottle of wine and his few beers, we were able to board the plane! The turbulence was not exactly what we needed but we made it alive and thought this trip may not be so bad after all after we stepped up to the rental car counter! 1 brand new 4 runner and Cadillac STS later we headed to our hotel which of course was super nice! My wine was wearing off and the hangover was starting to sink in just about the time I yanked my 51 lb bag out of the trunk. I yanked hard and out it came and landed right on my toe. That 51 lb suitcase landed on only one toe! With in minutes, it was black and blue and starting to swell! Hangover at 4pm, hungry, tired, and now… broken toe! What a successful trip and it was only day 1!

Day 2 wasn’t nearly as exciting as Day 1 but oh my, Louisville is filled with quite a few odd ducks. So far I have met a guy whose real name is Colonel, two guys that look like Seth and Mc Lovin from Superbad, a girl that reminds me of Molly Shannon’s character in Superstar(I mean identical personalities) a kid that looks like Herman Munster, A Jimmy Kimmel look a like and one that resembles Baby Huey. No lie! So after spending all day working with a broken toe, a pretty big hang over, knowing the sox lost to the rays in the 14th inning and very little sleep, you can imagine how much entertainment this provided for me. I laughed my way through the day and right into the bar that would only turn out to be the cause of my next hangover!

Louisville here I come.....

Let's recap, the last time I was in Louisville, KY I ....

1. Encountered many a strange people who could have been the spawn of Snoop Dogg & Hank Williams Jr.

2. Shared a room with a little brown mouse... Not by choice

3. Fell off a luggage cart after it crashed into a wall.... loooooong story

4. Found bars that stayed open until 4am

5. Had surprisingly good sushi

6. Slid across many bridges during a sleet storm

7. Spent almost every night at the Hooters because they had dollar drafts

8. Met Mike Dictka's twin brother

9. Met a character by the name of Jaymien (Real name James but he changed it because he didn't like it) who showed up to work with Carhart Coveralls and a Grill in his mouth. His pants never fit and his zipper remained down but he claimed he was too fat for them yet too poor to buy new ones... OOOOOkkkkkkk

10. I met the elusive Yeti Mammeltoe.... Oh if you don't know you should ask..... GREAAAAAAT STORY


I am not so sure that this time will be anything in comparison to the last but I am sure looking forward to all the little adventures that are to be had in good Ole Kentucky. I'll keep you posted!!!