Stress Personified

So it's Friday Night at 12:24am.... I can't sleep! It's no wonder with my life in the chaos that it's in... On top of everything else that is going on in my life that seems to be completely unordinary, I am going to be gone for pretty much the entire month of November. So I just got back in town on Monday I am leaving tomorrow, I fly back in Wednesday and fly out again on Monday, fly back on Friday and then fly out again on Monday..... Now as if that's not chaos already... I have a million other things on my plate as it is! I keep stressing over everything and I feel like I might just crack! HELP!

South Bend, Indiana

South Bend, Indiana... The home of Notre Dame and the Fighting Irish. A beautiful quaint town filled with nothing but Notre Dame. While I was there I had the opportunity to gamble (ok, only $40) at the Casino owned by Native American's (super fun but we had to pay for our own alcohol), explore the town(the little town there actually was), explore the college, do some tailgating and yes GO to the Notre Dame-Boston College game! I had a blast. Not a place to go for no reason but if you wind up there, you are sure to have a good time and see some beautiful landscape.

Pay Attention

Since I haven't been able to say it out loud I needed to at least get it out.... so here it is!

I know you. You don't want to move but I can't always be the one that takes a step. Any more steps and I'm walking away. It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose. But what you need to know is.... "She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort."

Your court,

Ash

Ruby...

So, I just watched the Style Channel's reality show Ruby. Ruby was a morbidly obese woman living in Savannah, GA. She has documented her weight loss from a obscene 719 lbs to the current 349 pounds. She continues daily to fight the obesity and face the things she was hiding from. A beautiful woman with one of the most charming personalities, I couldn't help but be sucked into the show. She is such an inspirational person with such an amazing outlook on life. I think I found another show to add to my Favorites!

Top 7's of 2009

Top 7’s of 2009:

Top 7 Movies
-Rachel Getting Married
-Changeling
-Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail
- He’s Just not that into you
-Confessions of a Shopaholic
-Bride Wars
-The Secret Life of Bees
- (Though it's not from 2009, it's always a fav) Sweet Home Alabama


Top 7 TV Shows
-True Blood
-Weeds
-Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimern
-Bones
-Monk
-Brothers & Sisters
-The Good Wife


Top 7 Hottest Celebs
-David Boreanes
-Alexander Skarsgard
-Josh Gates
-Channing Tatum
-Jason Stathum
-Patrick Dempsy
-David Beckham

Top 7 Songs
-You belong with me- Taylor Swift
- Getting you Home- Chris Young
- Where I’m From- Jason Michael Caroll
- Whatever it is- Zac Brown Band
- Take my drunk a** Home- Luke Bryan
- Sounds like life to me- Darryl Worley
- Love Will- Darius Rucker

Top 7 Guilty Reads
- Cranberry Queen
- Chasing Harry Winston
- Bergdorf Blondes
- 4 Blondes
- Love Walked in
- One Fifth Avenue
- Elements of Style


Top 7 Best Reads
- The Art of Racing the Rain
- Become a Better You
- Cranberry Queen
- Young, Fabulous, & Broke
- Sunday at Tiffany’s
- Everyone Worth Knowing
- Atonement

The verdict is in

Alright, so here's the update... I am doing much better these days. I am healing nicely though still in pain. I am back to work and other than the restless nights from being uncomfortable and the hiccups I swear might kill me, I keep telling myself this too shall pass! I am a tough girl with a high tolerance for pain and strong will power. I have finally accepted the damage that was done and stopped crying about it. The adjuster has been out to see my car and duh, duh na.... $20,000 worth of damage! Pretty much, I am getting a new front half of my car and 2 new doors! Since the car is only a year old and high in value, they will not be totaling the vehicle. Strange to me.... YES, but the stranger part is despite the reasoning as to why my airbags never went off.... I am still having a hard time buying it! You be the judge! You tell me! Would you be concerned if your car looked like mine and your airbags didn't go off? This being my first real accident I was shocked to find that they didn't! i mean I get the whole minor fendor bender. I have had those. I don't expect when someone taps my bumper that they go off.... But... That? Really?

A piece of my mind

OK so REALLY..... MAN UP! That's all I have to say!

Thank you kindly,

Ashton

My car is gone but I am ok

I am sure most of you already know by know, I had a terrible accident last night and I just want to let everyone know I am OK! Thank you to everyone. I appreciate it. I will probably be in a lot of pain for a while but I am alive and that's the most important thing. I am waiting to get the email about the estimate on damage and see if they are going to total the car, although it's probably inevitable. I would have thought maybe it was just seeing my car in that condition that makes me think that but before I had even seen the damage I asked the paramedics how bad it was and it was confirmed when they said oh honey.... it's bad, really bad. So now time to move forward and get stuff done. But again, I am ok just a little bruised and broken. Thank you again and I will keep you posted.

Love,

Ash

VA's for lovers & Dupont's for weirdos!!

Now for those of you that aren’t familiar with Dupont Circle, let me give you a quick run down. Dupont Circle is a historic and large neighborhood in DC, with the heart of the neighborhood being a traffic circle. Now in typical DC fashion, it is not just a traffic circle, inside the traffic circle is a park with a beautiful fountain. A huge attraction to DC locals the park attracts all kinds. Me, I just like to watch people. OK, I like to laugh at people. I know what everyone says, “If you have nothing nice to say, go sit next to Ashton” I say I speak the truth even if it’s me… “ If you want to be entertained by my views on weird people, come sit next to me.” Now let’s get to the good stuff. Today I encountered Yankee Doodle Dandy (what the picture above doesn’t show is that his ultra chic bowler hat was outfitted with a snazzy yellow feather and he had skinny jeans on Barbie couldn’t pull off, and they were rolled up to his knees!), there were two homeless dudes spooning in the park, under a hand held umbrella, wearing sweatshirts…. HELLOOOOO 90 degrees today! I saw many attractive guys who depressed me because the only thing we would have had in common was that we both liked men. I saw some bikers(like mullet sporting Harley Davidson riding) playing chess with the large concrete chess game provided by the lovely city of DC! I passed a shop that had creatively decorated their store front by placing life size casts of the human form. Oh and did I mention all the men’s tighty whiteys that were strewn through the window as well? They were lovely, Some read “need head” while others read “eat me” and “addicted to sex” Yes, that’s right… no lie! I was accosted by lesbian rights activists and they asked me for money, I escaped only to find 2 doors down I was accosted by another group of people who tried to persuade me to stop and listen to their human rights speil. Well I am human and I have the right to walk down the street and not be bothered! I appreciate and understand your cause but leave me alone! Hears an idea, instead of asking me for money, why don’t they offer me money? I am however stoked about Saturday’s venture to Dupont to meet Zak in his neighborhood for our Picnic in the Park date. We are going to Whole foods where I can pretend to be healthy for the day, then taking our lunch out the park were we can sit under a tree and laugh at weird people and enjoy free entertainment all afternoon! I don’t even have to worry about being hit on by men because they will be hitting on Zak! SOOOOO I can’t wait!

I have a movie crush!

Yes, I know I don't have the best taste in movies.... we all know that! But I have formed a crush on Tyler Perry movies! Madea Goes to Jail, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Family Reunion, and now my new fav.... Daddy's Little Girls. I love Tyler Perry Movies and I don't care who knows it.... Go ahead and laugh!!!

Productivity, a great thing!

Today doesn't include anytime for fun and games... Super busy day! in fact my entire week is structured like this. Training people, meetings, paperwork, oil changes, cleaning, painting, and more cleaning.... I haven't slept or even had time to relax for more than 45 mins a day... Why was I in such a hurry to grow up? I should have stayed a kid! Anyone want to help today?

Here's my Agenda:
5-Let dog out and start coffee
5:15-Coffee & News
6-feed dogs, start laundry, work out
6:30-Laundry
6:45-Blog
7- Shower
7:30-Finish laundry, Hair & Makeup
8-More coffee & put laundry away
8:30-Head to the office
9- Meeting
9:30-Head to store and Start Training Class
10-Continue training until 12
12-Meeting
1-lunch
1:15-5 Continue Training
5-SEND TRAINEE HOME!!! YAY!!!
5:30-Home....Let the dogs out and feed them
6-Work out & Paint some trim
7-Clean my bathroom and guest bathroom
7:30-Clean guest room & Let dogs out again
8-Clean Car (vaccum, clean windows, trash, shine leather)
9:45-Begin packing for the weekend
10:30-Trim my own hair(No time to get to the salon)
11-Let dogs out
11:15- spend time with my dog
12:00-bedtime only to have to get up and do it all again at 5 am again!

Not protected & Not served...

Now let me ask you a question… when you call the police, it’s for an emergency correct? Ok, now… When people rob a bank, sell drugs, steal a car, are they the ones to call the police and say, “hey look Mr. police man… look what I did.” NO, it’s the person who has been violated or witnessed someone breaking the law. Well today after witnessing the aftermath of domestic violence and this girl I know locking herself in the bathroom after her husband punched her and broke her cell phone in half so she couldn’t call the police, I was outraged when the officer stated he couldn’t arrest her husband because he had a scratch on his neck…. WELLLLL! Hey Captain obvious, She is the one with a knot on her head, a bruised shoulder, locked in a bathroom crying hysterically, scared for her life and I believe she was the one who called you and it is HER cell phone that lay broken in the street but your right, the guy standing there laughing is innocent. Of course he has a scratch on his neck she was trying to get him off of her! Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he was assaulting her and she’s frightened…. He all the while is cool, calm and collected. As he stood there laughing and talking to the police officer while she sat there in tears trying to figure out where she was going to go and what she could legally do with her children since she obviously can’t go home, I was outraged. I wanted to cry for her and at the same time punch both her husband and the officer. Really? Really…? He gets to go home and relax while she has to complete the rest of her day at work scared for her self and her children, trying to figure out where she can go and take her kids to get away from him. I can’t believe this is legal! I am so disappointed and angry at our state and government for even allowing this to happen! Where was the protect and serve? Who was he protecting? Who was he serving? Not her…. The man that beat her…. But it’s cool no need to worry till she winds up in a body bag! Someone please make sense of this for me…. I have never been so frustrated and upset!

True Addiction!

HBO's True Blood is my TRUE ADDICTION! Really... It is! I have never missed an episode and I schedule my Sunday's around it! If I am out of town, if I am out on the town, or if I am out and up to no good.... I have it covered! I PVR every episode anyways... There is not a person I have introduced to the show that has not fallen in love with it and become an addict as well! The whole point of this is, I am not sure what I am going to do now.... 3 weeks, that's all I have left! There are only 3 episodes left in the season... Then what am I gonna watch on Sundays and I'll have to wait months before I find out what all is going on in that drama filled world.... Not cool.... Need to find a new Sunday night show I guess. Hope everyone had a good Monday!

Love,

Ash

Things that make you go hmmm????

Would you consider moving from Sham-Wow to the Slap Chop a demotion or promotion or is that more of a lateral move in the As Seen On TV world? Was the slap chop named after the host recent indiscretions? You know the one…. The one where the hooker called the cops on him for beating her, all charges were dropped when he explained that she bit his tounge and refused to let go? Someone please explain this to me. I wonder what is next on this sleeze ball’s agenda?

Textsfromlastnight.com

If you have not checked this out, you should.... It cracks me up! Here are my favs!

(417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

(317): honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

(706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

(703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

(757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

(416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.

(516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

(678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

(440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!

(916): and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

(781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
(1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

(508): billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.

(317): i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants

(204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week

(610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her


Seriously, this cracks me up.... why because they are actually texts that are sent! I would hate to see some of my drunken texts up there. Yikes! Go To textsfromlastnight.com

Gone Cruisin...

Finally a vacation.... Ok so not that a cruise is something I would choose first as a vaca (I kinda like having my feet planted on the ground, other than sailing) but I am goin! For Crystal's birthday we are going to cruise to go figure one of my favorite places..... The Bahamas and then CocoKay and Florida. Not only do I get a vaca.... (haven't had in a while) I get to go with Crys! SOOOO Excited! Then on top of that... Mom's taking the fam on a vacation to the Atlantis (yes, again... I love Atlantis) in February or March! YAY!!!! Maybe next year I'll actually make it to Ireland, Sweden, or Paris as well. Or at least just one. I booked my flight yesterday and started shopping already! Can't wait!

What did I do to myself???

Note to self: No more biting into ice or peanuts or peanut M & M's or Almonds.... When in doubt that chewing those things is not an issue, I want you to be reminded of this.... One of those items has broken teeth in the past and this most recent was a mess. 2 root canals, 1 tooth.... not so good things! I am in a tremendous amount of pain and I believe it's because once the numbness faded the fact that this jerk was jamming things up in my tooth in a not so gentle manner was finally felt. These things he was jamming were sharp and drilled holes in my tooth. Then he busted out with numerous little torturous devices that qould give you nightmares at the sight of. I am not sure how I thought... "oh this isn't that bad." I knew for sure the fact that I bit my cheek a million and one times was going to make me mad when I regained feeling, I had even accepted that my jaw would be sore, my tooth would be sore and my gums would be tender.... Nope realistically, My jaw hurts like hell, my tooth is throbbing, my cheek is swollen and sore! It feels like someone hit me in the mouth with a brick! Stupid broken tooth, Stupid root canal, Stupid not so cheap bill, Stupid not so gentle Dentist.... No more.... No more!

Dear Mr. Dentist

Since I am in a letter writing kinda mood. I feel the need to share one more.

Dear Mr. Dentist,

I promise to be in your chair by 8:45am if you promise to be gentle. I understand that a cracked tooth that leads to a root canal is not necessarily going be a gentle process but could you please try? I am a little nervous and a lot tired and please understand I have had a long, stressful, frustrating week.... Be nice to me and my mouth! You were very gentle with the first portion of this root canal, please be gentle again with this second portion! By the way... Why am I having a second portion anyways? 1 tooth and already had the root canal.... can you have more than one root canal on a tooth or do you just want more money? Probably just want money, oh well.... again, please be careful....

Thank you in advance,

ME

Leaving on a jet plane...

Don't know if I'll be back again! So, I am glad I came though I am leaving more confused than ever.... So I really have something to say that I can't really say out loud.... Ready?

Dear Stupid Boy,

I know you care. Act like it. You use to and then recently things changed??? I am not sure why but I think I know. There are a few things that make things a little more complicated than most people have to deal with but, really? I care too. I'd be willing to make things work..... aren't you? You make attempts to do and say things friends don't do and let's face it, we've never been just friends! Why would you act like we are? Simple and easy may seem ok and good for now but let me tell you.... you are the one missing out! Get it together and collect yourself. Realize what is good for you and what is right or YOU will miss out on the best thing that has happened to you and so will I! Giving this a try could lead to something great or maybe not but at least we gave it an honest try! You ran away for whatever reason but you need to figure it out before someone else gets lucky and treats me good!

Love,

Ashton

Enough is enough... get your act together grow up and act like a man! Treat me right and land me..... you'll thank me later!

God's Cake

My sister posted this in her blog and I thought it was a refreshing reminder and wanted to share it with ya'll!

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you.. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Leaving Louisville

So, do you know what I am excited about? Curling up in bed with the dog! Yup! Oh and I can't wait to get my arms around my nephew and squeeze him tight! Oh how I miss the normalcy of my life in VA! I miss the 3 things that make me happy.... My dog, my family, and my friends! I can't wait to lay around and drink some wine and catch up with my friends, cuddle up in bed with the dog, and spend weekends hanging out with my family who happens to be so totally amazing. Lately, our family has had some tragedies occur and I can't even begin to tell you how much I learn from tragedy! I am so lucky to have such an amazing family! I also learned yesterday that someone in Corey's group was killed and one was seriously injured. His wife let me know he was OK but please pray for him and his family. Well, off to the bar I go to heal my voice and drown my sorrows! Love ya'll!

Life Ain't Always Beautiful.... or at least the past 3 days haven't been!

The perfect song to sum up the past couple of days.....

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way


But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride



Sometimes, you just have to smile and act like every thing's OK even when you just want to cry because you are disappointed and hurt by the way things turned out.... That's how I spent yesterday.... Smiling.... until I sat at the Bar with Casey.... Poor guy had to sit there and watch me cry! I just couldn't stop it! I had been holding it back all day and I just couldn't do it anymore! Could something just go right for once? I deserve it! ughhhh!

Louisville here I am......

After being delayed out of DC by about an hour Casey & I thought a $7 drink on the plane was well deserved. After finally landing in Cincinatti, OH we weren’t shocked to find that our 30 minute flight to Louisiville, KY was delayed simply because it seemed to be the luck of our day. However, this was a perfect time to continue drinking. We positioned our self strategically at the bar in front of our gate (ALWAYS THINKING.) Halfway through my bottle of wine Casey figures out why we were being delayed. Louisville at this point had been flooding for the past hour. 7 inches of rain was falling every hour… The river was rising and cars were floating down the street! NICE!!!! Luckily, the airport was far enough away from the river, it didn’t flood but it was just the heavy rains that had been delaying us. So after my bottle of wine and his few beers, we were able to board the plane! The turbulence was not exactly what we needed but we made it alive and thought this trip may not be so bad after all after we stepped up to the rental car counter! 1 brand new 4 runner and Cadillac STS later we headed to our hotel which of course was super nice! My wine was wearing off and the hangover was starting to sink in just about the time I yanked my 51 lb bag out of the trunk. I yanked hard and out it came and landed right on my toe. That 51 lb suitcase landed on only one toe! With in minutes, it was black and blue and starting to swell! Hangover at 4pm, hungry, tired, and now… broken toe! What a successful trip and it was only day 1!

Day 2 wasn’t nearly as exciting as Day 1 but oh my, Louisville is filled with quite a few odd ducks. So far I have met a guy whose real name is Colonel, two guys that look like Seth and Mc Lovin from Superbad, a girl that reminds me of Molly Shannon’s character in Superstar(I mean identical personalities) a kid that looks like Herman Munster, A Jimmy Kimmel look a like and one that resembles Baby Huey. No lie! So after spending all day working with a broken toe, a pretty big hang over, knowing the sox lost to the rays in the 14th inning and very little sleep, you can imagine how much entertainment this provided for me. I laughed my way through the day and right into the bar that would only turn out to be the cause of my next hangover!

Louisville here I come.....

Let's recap, the last time I was in Louisville, KY I ....

1. Encountered many a strange people who could have been the spawn of Snoop Dogg & Hank Williams Jr.

2. Shared a room with a little brown mouse... Not by choice

3. Fell off a luggage cart after it crashed into a wall.... loooooong story

4. Found bars that stayed open until 4am

5. Had surprisingly good sushi

6. Slid across many bridges during a sleet storm

7. Spent almost every night at the Hooters because they had dollar drafts

8. Met Mike Dictka's twin brother

9. Met a character by the name of Jaymien (Real name James but he changed it because he didn't like it) who showed up to work with Carhart Coveralls and a Grill in his mouth. His pants never fit and his zipper remained down but he claimed he was too fat for them yet too poor to buy new ones... OOOOOkkkkkkk

10. I met the elusive Yeti Mammeltoe.... Oh if you don't know you should ask..... GREAAAAAAT STORY


I am not so sure that this time will be anything in comparison to the last but I am sure looking forward to all the little adventures that are to be had in good Ole Kentucky. I'll keep you posted!!!

Wild Nights & Root Canals!

Oh what a weekend! I started my Friday off with a root canal then headed off the Miranda & John's wedding weekend! Swollen Jaw and all I was out drinking, laughing and drunken debauchery! Saturday morning was a rush of getting ready and off we went! Once the I DO's were shared, the drinking, dancing and all out debauchery began. I ended the night with a pair of sore knees, no shoes and 2 broken wine glasses.... All out good time. Oh yeah.... guess who caught the bouquet.... I don't see me being the next to get married though....

Done-zo

1 word! DONE! I am tired of being the only one trying..... so I quit! If it means as much to someone other than me, they'd try too! Oh well!

Gonna love me some Lubbock!

Lubbock, TX, birthplace of Buddy Holly and soon to be home to me for 11 days. I am absolutely stoked about heading to Texas in the dead of July. I am guessing, I am going to leave that state, a little tanner, a little thinner, and very grateful for where I live. In an attempt to stake out this town known for it’s…well other than Buddy Holly I don’t know what it’s really known for, I looked up shopping in Lubbock, Night life in Lubbock and attractions…. Imagine this a bunch of jumbled mess that basically screamed out to me…. You can buy your Armadillio hats, drink beer out of mason jars, and visit the taxidermy museums all at the same time! It’s Texas galore! I am packing my boots (too bad I can’t fit my hat in the bag) and I am gonna do it up big in Texas! Yeehaw!!

How I learned Life & Men have a lot in common...

Let me set the mood for you… So here it is about 5pm or so on a Tuesday evening and I am sitting at the bar with my favorite girl Crystal mulling over this guy, this guy, whom we will call Mark Darcy or M.D. (seeing as so many of you compare me to Bridget Jones, it’s only fitting…). I start talking about how much I like M.D. more and more everyday and the nervous smile starts to emerge. I take a big gulp of my beer and I begin explaining why I think he only wants to be friends. Mind you, I have no clue what he wants…. But no reason to get my hopes up just to be disappointed later on. So after my explanation of how smitten I am over M.D. and my confusion as to whether he was truly interested in more than just a friendship. I listen to Crystal tell me he HAS to be interested in more than a friendship… I didn’t like that response. I think I would have rather heard he’s just not that into you. It’s a lot easier than taking a chance on being hurt. So unhappy with her response, who else to ask advise from but a guy who has no alterior motives, so I asked Shina. I explain that this guy is not like any guy I have ever dated or been interested in. He isn’t an aggressive jerk and he has more to talk about than beer & sex, he is super respectful, makes me laugh, gives me butterflies with just a phone call, and honestly cares what is going on inside my head! He calls when he says he’s going to and even when he doesn’t say he’s going to. However, I am confused about his intentions but most men confuse me anyways so not much is terribly new here. I talk to him almost every day but it stays pretty much friendly NOT AT ALL WHAT I AM USE TOO! As we all know, I usually end up with pretentious pricks, block heads, and/or self absorbed losers. This guy doesn’t fall in to any of the above categories which deemed him worthy of asking Shina advice. Shina looked at me and said something I never thought I would hear a man say. “They are not all the same, they are not all jerks, they don’t all have bad intentions, they do not all think the same…. Ashton…. Men are like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get! Stop trying to figure it all out and do what your doing and go with the flow” And then there it was, the most genious and honest advise on men I had ever gotten…. Genius Shina! Genius! And I thought Forrest Gump was a genius! All this time and Shina was holding out on me. So there it is ladies and gentleman, Men ARE like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get!

10 Days in Counting....

10 days in counting until my birthday yes but really until I quit smoking... Ummm..... Whole new life with out smoking! YAY!

He's just not into you!

Great book, AMAZING MOVIE! Ya know, I myself want to elaborate on this whole he’s just not into you thing. If you have heard this, he’s just not into you….

From your friends:

-The right guy will never make you cry: Ok, dead give away… All men good, bad, horrible, AMAZING men will make a woman cry. Guys’ regardless of how great they are clueless and just straight up stupid sometimes…. Good men just don’t make you cry all the time so when your friends say this, what she is really saying is, he has made you cry too many times and he doesn't care about you. Cut him loose!

-Maybe his phone isn’t working/Maybe he lost his phone: Really? This is 2009 no one goes more than a day with out a cell phone. How long could you go with out your phone? Think about it…. This is not the early 90's.... We don't have to fight people in our households for the landline, we don't have to scrounge for change to use the pay phone, there is a new epidemic of smart phones. Especially if this is a PDA that is involved. Everyone syncs their phones to their computers and hell I even sync mine to my email. I can access my phone with out even having my phone on me.... If I lost my phone and there was a guy worth my time.... I would find a way to call....

-Maybe he’s just super busy: Now, I have been super busy but I still make time for a special guy…. If you were a special girl to him, he would find the time even just to say hello. The only excuse that would be acceptable is if he was helping children in a 3rd world country or a million miles out to sea, saving whales & dolphins. Let’s face it…. A guy that busy doesn’t date so there are no excuses. Even if you were traveling all day, stuck in a million meetings, had a wedding weekend(which as we all know is crammed full of activities and very little personal time to do anything short of going to the bathroom & sleeping) you would find a way to call him or even shoot a text.

-Well maybe you said something that scared him?: Ha! Believe me when I tell you, as long as you haven’t been deemed certifiable by the state or even the county jail, you didn’t say anything to scare him. He probably wasn’t listening as intently as he pretended to be in the first place. If you are any kind of normal you were not discussing your future children's names and planning your wedding... complete with him chained to the alter so he couldn't get away, you probably didn't bust out into tears because he smiled at the waitress or bring a picture of your future house with a picture of him and you photo shopped into the front yard. I am sure your conversations consisted primarily about work, your families, and favorites sports. He caught every other word you were saying because he listens like a man. You didn't scare him.... You should be scared of him.... He's a JERK



Maybe, Maybe, Maybe…. MAYBE HE’S JUST NOT INTO YOU! I am so tired of friends making excuses for men and even I, myself have done it… We have to stop lying to each other and to ourselves!

SMILIN BIG SMILES!

Gone and done it again! Big smiles all day!

The more boys I meet....

The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog! Dogs unlike men, are loyal, love you unconditionally, if trained properly listen to you and what you tell them to do, can sense when something is wrong with you, and most importantly don't judge you. Loyalty is something most men are lacking these days.... big time! Guys seem to have a funny way of wanting you one minute and not the next and then 20 mins later want you again? Help me understand that one? Crystal & I have started to learn a lot lately.... pay attention boys... Girls rarely just say exactly what they are feeling but if you have gotten to know a girl well enough you can read in between the words she speaks and hear what she is really saying... all you have to do is listen! If a girl isn't smiling nearly as much that day or isn't calling or texting you like normal.... sense this.... something is wrong! It might be you or it could actually be something else but the fact you neglect to acknowledge her change in behavior makes her feel unwanted and unacknowledged and then you become part of the problem. Men stop judging! You make an assumption based on nothing.... if you haven't asked a girl what she is thinking or taken the time to get to know what is in her heart and why she is the way she is.... don't assume! Don't judge! A girl that can appear strong may be the girl who is as soft as a sponge! You don't know unless you ask or take the time to listen! So be aware about what you say.... it doesn't matter if you knew her years ago.... you don't know her now... it doesn't matter what you think you know.... you know nothing if you haven't asked and really truly listened! Guys get it together! If you say your gonna call, call. When you do finally call.... talk about something other than yourself! You either care all the time or none of the time... its gotta be an all or nothing situation! Seriously... 2 years of refusing to date anyone and hell refusing to even kiss someone was enough time for me to figure out.... Men are clueless.... but the older I get the more I realize.... clueless doesn't even begin to describe it! Get it together!

Signs your from Fairfax County

1. Speed limits are just suggestions
2. You take a major highway to get anywhere (95, 66, 28, etc)
3. You constantly complain about there being nothing to do, even though you are right next to DC
4. You have at least 2 friends who have no idea what their parents do because its "top secret" government work
5. 50% of your senior class went to either Mason, JMU, Tech, Radford, or UVA
6. When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because it's easier to explain
7. You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern" in front of it
8. You dread going to the DMV for anything
9. It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you
10. A yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through
11. A red light means 2 more can
12. It takes you 30 minutes to drive 10 miles
13. Your local news is national news
14. If you hear the word "sniper" one more time you're going to slap someone
15. You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for
16. You drive at least 30 miles a day to get to work
17. You do your Christmas shopping online b/c the shopping malls are like parking lots
18. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a "southerner"
19. You know that each high school in the region had its own corresponding McDonald's
20. You know at least 10 people who drive a Mercedes, BMW, Lexus, etc.
21. The cars in the local high school's student parking lot are worth 3x those in the teacher parking lot
22. You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington DC
23. You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English
24. You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds
25. There are at least 3 malls within 20 minutes of your house
26. There are at least 6 Starbucks within 20 minutes of your house
27. You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag
28. You remember the Air and Space museum fondly from school fieldtrips to DC
29. When traveling, you have your choice of 3 airports
30. You don't actually like the Redskins/Wizards (except when Jordan was playing)
31. An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of work
32. All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience
33. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only if you feel like it
34. A rich white kid driving a BMW while blasting rap music is a common occurance
35. You call things "ghetto" even though in most of the rest of the country it'd be high class
36. You don't have enough room on your home lot to build a garage
37. You know where to find Midgetville
38. When you were driving on the beltway at 2:13am on a Tuesday there was still traffic
39. Crown Victoria = undercover cop
40. A slow driver is someone who isn't going at least 10mph over the speed limit
41. You understand the meaning of "If you don't get it, you don't get it"
42. Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro
43. You've taken a wrong turn somewhere late at night and ended up in Anacostia
44. Most of Loudon County is the "middle of nowhere"
45. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new houses in its place
46. You know who Elliott is
47. Someone has honked at you because you didn't peal out the second the light turned green
48. You've honked at someone because they didn't peal out the second the light turned green
49. Two words: rush hour
50. For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa
51. Presidential Helicopters, F-15s, and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurance
52. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names

Let me count the ways....

Oh Northern Virginia how I love you..... Let me count the ways....

1. I love that you are so over populated that my 13 mile commute somehow amounts up to 1 full hour and a quarter of a tank of gas.

2. I love how my taxes are supposedly spent on road improvements but my car seems to find a pot hole on every road I take.... My car thanks you as well!

3. I love that you not only tax us on every single thing but then allow cities to have their own tax as well! Great so I pay 2 taxes amounting sometimes up to 8%. (Arlington & Alexandria do this now, for all you locals.... look at your receipts)

4. I love that I drive by one of Virginia's finest police officer's going a mere 5 miles over the speed limit and I get stopped but yet the guy in front of me going a clear 20 over keeps on rolling. Thank you...

5. I love that we pride ourselves on having some of the best school systems in the country, yet times get a little tough and you lay off older experienced, educated teachers to replace them with young in-experienced college students who could careless about the children.... all for a little less pay.... Nicely done! Good call!

6. I love that when our Subway system has a major train crash the true concern was why the FBI was on scene. Forget the innocent lives that were lost or the people who were seriously injured.

7. I love that we have the best news reporter in the world... Pat Collins... Even to him rain is a tragedy it makes the evening news a pleasure to watch...If you don't believe this... here's a clip.... http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1030193192888&ref=mf

8. I love how you can drive down the street and see a 2 million dollar Mc Mansion right next to a run down home that is up for foreclosure... Starting bid...$80,000.... Make sense of this....

9. I love how you told me last year I made to much money and you asked me to PAY taxes! Thank you for that... As if you didn't get enough out of each check... you needed more... Must have been for all those pot holes you've been planning to fix for 3 years now.

And finally....

10. I especially love how you felt that you were wrong in asking me to pay taxes. You must have felt I paid too much( I felt I did too) It was all MY pleasure to check the mail today and receive a check for over payment on taxes.... ALL $1.03 of it! Really... thank you!

Hopeful Thursday

It's Thursday and I am hopeful it is gonna be a good day! Some headway has been made in our recent adventure of planning which of course sets me a little at ease, all the bills have been paid, there is one more day in the work week and I got Sushi last night! Now all I need today is to get to the tanning beds and find an expense check in the mail and it would be next to perfect! I hope everyone else has a good day!

Fat & Guilty

So, I wake up this morning and looking in the mirror I notice some unwanted weight gain! I wanted to cry! I stepped on the scale and ughh! 4lbs! I have no one to blame but myself though! I have not worked out in like a week and a half, I have been eating like crap too! I guess tonight when I get off work it's gonna be and Carmen Electra for a pretty intense and painful work out! I could kick myself in the ass for getting this far off track! DAMN IT!

And Confusion Sets In...

Just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize that all you had figured out is you really have no clue what is actually going on! Blonde or not.... I think anyone would be as confused as I am about this! Really? Really? Seriously? I just don't get it! Could someone please explain it all to me?

The best song ever...

Ok so I know I just wrote a blog but while I was doing that I heard an amazing song! I wonder where the guy is that feels this way about me???? :)

My Kinda Woman by Craig Morgan

She tucks her Paul Mitchell hair under her John Deere cap
Hides Victoria's Secret under those jeans
She's honest as heaven, she's got a body to match
When they talk about perfect, she's what they mean

She's my kind of woman
She shines like the moment the sun hits the rain
When she smile, yeah it's somethin'
Loves bigger than life
Shes my kind of woman

She's a slice of the country, she's Fifth Avenue
She loves Jesus and sinners like me
She's got the key to my soul wrapped around her finger
She's a weekend in Vegas, seven nights a week

She's my kind of woman
She shines like the moment the sun hits the rain
When she smile, yeah it's somethin'
Loves bigger than life
Shes my kind of woman

She's reckless, she's safe
The angel God saved for my life
Theres a million reasons why

She's my kind of woman
She shines like the moment the sun hits the rain
When she smile, yeah it's somethin'
Loves bigger than life
Shes my kind of woman

She shines like the moment the sun hits the rain
When she smile, man it's somethin'
Loves bigger than life
Shes my kind of woman

My kind of woman

A Monday worth while!

So, it really was a good Monday! Despite the fact that I had a crick in my neck all day long that made me want to cry, or that I was cleaning dirty nasty stuff all day long, or that it was a Monday, or that I found out I wasn't going to Louisville, KY today, or even that I was run off the road by a drunk driver at 5 pm.... It was a AMAZING Monday.... Why you may want to know...??? These days all it takes is a phone call from a certain someone that gives me the butterflies and a smile that last for days. Yup a phone call. That's all it took. I spent the rest of the day grinning from ear to ear all from a phone call. All I can say is WOWSA he makes me smile! It's been a long time since someone has had this kind of affect on me! I found someone I can't stop thinking about and it's very new to me and it's very weird! I don't know what to make of it at all but I like it! Only time will tell if he's as good of a guy than he seems to be but he certainly has a way of making me smile now...! Wonder if he can keep me smiling???? I hope so cause I kinda like him a lot.... maybe a little smitten!

I got nothing...

Wish I could say I had something good tonight... but I don't. A great big amusing blog about how crazy this weekend was is well deserved, but my brain isn't functioning correctly. This weekend has been emotionally and physically exhausting and I wouldn't even know where to begin. Friday was filled with little crazy adventures, Saturday was spent celebrating my God Children and worrying about Kerry, and Sunday was filled with well needed family time and yet it was Father's Day which is never easy for me. I don't even want to begin to get into the details of this weekend except Friday it was good to have a girls night out, it was nice to be in bed before 11pm on Saturday, and Sunday was catch up day. My mind is mush and my body doesn't even want to move and despite my terrible mood all I want is a big hug.... and again... i got nothing. This might be the only time I ever say this but my guess is Monday has to be better! Hope everyone had a great Father's Day and fun weekend!

Friday's Fun Day

So, I have to say…. Friday’s fun is exactly what I needed yesterday and I actually could use it tonight! Though I am not going out tonight, I am doing it up big tomorrow! Crystal, Kerry & Dennis sure can make me smile with all the craziness of the nights! Minus the creepy guy that thought it would be in my best interest to put HIS phone number in MY phone so that I would have it, it was a pretty calm night where it was nothing but good conversations and great, cheap beer! Yay for Happy Hours!

Sushi & Superbad.... All this girl needs

It's only Tuesday and I am exhausted! I mean, I have already, hit Happy Hour up a little too hard, had 4 shots in my mouth (Getting teeth capped hurts but pretty teeth are worth it), made the decision to move out, paid all my bills for the month, and re-prioritized my life. All in 2 days! I can' wait to see what the next 5 days have in store for me.... All I intend on doing is apartment hunting, tanning, working out and attending Miranda's Bridal Shower. Somehow, I don't think that's all that's going to go down this week... I'll probably find my way up to a few more Happy Hours where I will share in night's I don't remember and friends that won't let me forget, if the storms actually break I might make it down to the stables and get in some riding time and in typical Ashton fashion.... Have a few Bridget Jones moments slipped in there somewhere. Let's see what actually happens!!! Picking up sushi and sitting at home watching Superbad was alllll I needed tonight. I am gonna pour myself a glass of wine and take a hot bath. Tomorrow, I'll get back to the daily grind...

This is what weekends are about!

What a great weekend! I mean Friday night was WOWSA! Saturday night was super relaxed and here it is Sunday and it’s just plain lazy! Friday was spent exactly how Fridays are suppose to be spent. Dinner in Fairfax, the bar in Springfield and then back to my house for a game of pool that I lost terribly.... Saturday, I was able to spend the morning relaxing and then out for dinner and coffee. Super relaxing and then a couple of drinks before bed… Now it’s Sunday and after a little spring cleaning, I am off to go relax in the Tanning Beds and then hit some balls at Top Golf with the Girls! Could this weekend get any more perfect?

Happy Hours & Hangovers...

Yikes almighty! I don't know who thought up the idea of Happy Hours but they were amazingly smart and the man that invented Tylenol must have enjoyed Happy Hour about as much as I did last night! Maybe it was the Yager Bomb which yet again didn't even sound appealing at the time or the fact that the party didn't end at the bar but my night got better the later it got... It was great to see everyone at the bar wish I could have stayed longer.....Next time!

Mental Vacations...

Being that my mind never stops going and very rarely does my body these days, I needed some therapy. Me time. A moment with out a thought, with out a movement, with out the feeling of needing to get something done. Now retail therapy is always good for me, but my mind never stops even when shopping… it just changes pages to something a lot less stressful. I am a fast shopper, I see something I want, I know what looks good on me and what fits and then I grab and go. Still never really slowing down. All of you often ask what actually relaxes me… well there are two things… Only one that is actual me time… Tanning… for anywhere from 10-20 minutes, I just stop. I stop thinking, I stop moving, I stop everything. The heat on my skin relaxing every muscle, a fan blowing cool air across me like I am actually at the beach, music up loud drowning out every last thought and me, only me. It’s amazing to me how this crazy looking box that looks like it could take you back in time could actually give me 15 minutes of euphoria! Soooo, today I started back to my 15 minute therapy sessions and not only is it going to make me glow, I will be a little more relaxed again! YAY!!! Now I am on my way out the door to go meet Miss Carrie for a good cup of coffee. Hope everyone has a good Friday, I know I will!!!:)

My Hot Date!

So I had the hottest date I have had in quite a while! Crystal! You are amazing! I had so much fun making fun of a girl who are a mix between trailer trash and Jay-Z videos! SOOOOO much fun! I really want one of those Rite-Aid barretts! Really! I do! Can't wait to get our tattoos hopefully tomorrow! Yay for girls nights!

Really?

I mean seriously..... Really? Seriously? Really? Why am I not surprised? REALLY??????

Chasing frogs...

Ok, not that it isn’t a metaphor for my life, but tonight I was literally chasing frogs! After the huge attempt I made to get my cell phone fixed which was an adventure all it’s own, we headed back to Evon’s house for a couple drinks and a movie. A couple drinks into the night we decided to sit on the back deck and have a cigarette. Somewhere between the conversations about our love lives and beer, I heard it. The first time I thought I was imagining things….. Maybe I was drunk and I was just hearing things…. The second time I had to look… Look for what you might wonder, it was a wild pig running loose in her back yard. Really! Growing up around farms and animals it was a pretty distinct noise… a pig, or so I thought! So, I had to ask what that noise was…. Are you hoarding swine in your basement? Is there something you want to tell me? She looked at me baffled and asked what I was talking about. I couldn’t believe she didn’t hear it… So I blew it off and went on with our very delightful and interesting conversation! Mid conversation I hear it again… Un-phased, Evon kept the conversation going. At this point I was starting to wonder if I was losing my mind. I knew I wasn’t drunk, I knew I wasn’t imagining things… What was going on here? Now I know nature better than most girls and it certainly resembled a pig and then there it was again. Finally, she looks at me and asks, is that the noise your talking about? There were so many not so nice comments I thought about making but I thought as funny as they might be just say yes and find out what that is….. She then tells me as if I am a little kid who knows no better… Ashton it’s a frog… What? Really? What kind of frog sounds like a pig? At this point I had to know. So, somewhere between the beer and conversation, I decided I had to find this thing…. So I began my search…I had to know what kind of frog there was out there that sounded like a pig! Nothing, I found nothing. Little bastard hid well! Every time I would walk away he would go at it again! I am determined to believe that she is actually hoarding little mini pigs somewhere…. It’s a possibility right? I know I am a dork!

So there is this guy......

So there is this guy.... He makes me smile.... A lot.... Just had to share!

Calling all jerks!

After Crystal brought it to light today in her recent situation, I realized it is becoming a trend lately. Men are idiots. They assume things about girls or maybe even about themselves and then move forward based on those assumptions. Let me fill you in…

1. Girls are not stupid. We know… When you think your being sly or slick about something…. Your not… You get away with it because we are letting you get away with it and when you don’t it’s because you have crossed the line!
2. Just because a good girl is sitting in front of you doesn’t mean she will always be there…. Don’t take advantage of that or you may lose her.
3. Leading girls on does nothing for either party. You lead women to believe you want more, they are going to act like it. If you are honest and upfront neither party has to deal with the annoyance of unnecessary phone calls and texts. Honesty actually gets you a lot further than dishonesty…
4. Men are just as replaceable as women. Don’t think for a second you’re the only man trying to date a girl. There are always a couple others trying to date her. She has chosen to give you a chance and she can chose to take it away as well.
5. If you think we are hooked on the sex…. You are wrong. It is the connection we felt that led to the sex we are hooked on…. Every wise girl has a vibrator… We want the connection…. If you can’t give us that, sad but someone else will.

So, get over yourselves and stop being idiots. Good girls deserve to be treated with respect and if you can’t do that, don’t even attempt. If you want just sex, pick up the skank in the bar who is trying to get in every guys pants and If you want just someone to hang out with, get a dog. If you are even entertaining the idea of a potential relationship, act like it and if you aren’t get out of our lives and into someone else’s pants! Thank you and have a lovely day!

Movin on up!

So, today was move in day for Laura & Justin. I am so happy for them, the house is great…. However, Why I thought getting up and doing squats was a good idea before I was going to help them move was a good idea, I will never know. All I know is that in the next few months if I keep up this kinda stuff, my ass and legs are going to look amazing!!! Still after all of that I feel guilty for the beer and pizza that we had for lunch so I am going to do my Strip aerobics and then I am done… I am going to enjoy my nice quiet night at home. Movies, a hot bath, and my bed are all I need…. Ok maybe not allll I need but that’s enough for tonight….

Wednesday is almost done and it's only 8am

Happy Wednesday! I have caught up a little bit on my sleep from the past week, my toes are still numb and Corey leaves for Afghanistan on Sunday now! Yes It's been a hell of a week! I am going to make a Dr. appt tomorrow and pray I do not need to get a cortisone shot!!!! I am also a little sad that Corey is going off to war .... AGAIN! I mean really! Please everyone pray for his safety! I don't know how Military wives and girlfriends do it... I am an EX and it makes me sad and scares me.... Ok I guess I should get ready and go to work!

SOS Coffee someone please!!!!

Good morning or not so much.... On top of being a little worried about my toes still not having feeling in them, worrying about the cortisone shot they will have to stick in between my toes if it is nerve damage, losing an expensive earring, having to pay all my bills tonight when I get home, all the stress, worry and concerns of daily normal life .... I wake up thinking it doesn't matter that much if I can just start that pot of coffee. Now that seems pretty easy or so you would think! No Coffee, no cream.... plenty of sugar! I mean I know I was out of town for a little but but really??? NO COFFEE! I am struggling this morning... This is going to be a long day! I am gonna be out in Stafford today and tomorrow and I swear if I don't get some coffee it will not be pretty.... Let us all pray that Coffee makes it to my sweet lips with in the next 2 hours for the safety of everyone around me this morning. Thank you!

Anyone up for a road trip?

Rainy days and Mondays…. Thank goodness Monday is over! I just can’t wait till Thursday…. This will be the first off day I have had in quite a while! Which calls for a bit of a celebration..I kinda wanna take a road trip… No idea where I want to go but I really want to get out… though I should probably sit at home and do nothing but catch up on sleep I want to get away! Who’s up for a road trip? Where should we go? Any ideas call me or shoot me a text and we’ll get it all worked out… Now it's time to lay in bed with doggy, cuddle up and be lazy.... YAY!!!

Wow.... Me in a nut shell

So someone sent this too me to prove astrology is pretty accurate... though I may not completely buy it... this does prove they could be right.... it is pretty accurate unless they wrote it themselves, they could be right....

Cancer's Personality Broken Down'

Unless the ascendant falls in a more unreliable sign, Cancers tend to be trustworthy and responsible. They are usually good prospects as business partners, as well as for friendships and romantic relationships.

Business Sense

Cancers have a lot of common sense and a practical outlook on life, which makes them good business people and shrewd investors. They have a talent for making money and investing it wisely and practically. Many Cancers start successful businesses and most have a lot of good, practical business ideas. Businesses involving liquids, food, hospitality, children, animals or boats are particularly favoured.

Passionate and Protective

Cancer people are quick to blow up and quick to forgive. They are aggressively protective of friends and family, and will not tolerate anyone saying bad things about those they love. Although they are usually gentle, Cancers can turn ferocious when threatened and show a surprising amount of physical and emotional strength. They are equally protective of the weak and vulnerable, and many take in strays. Cancers are good with vulnerable adults, animals and children, able to intuit their needs.

Relationship-Oriented

Most Cancer people need a mate, a nest and children to make their lives complete. Their placid, giving natures often create marital harmony, though some freedom-loving individuals might find Cancerian love smothering. Unless the ascendant is in a more fickle sign, Cancers tend to be loyal, not only to lovers, family and friends, but also to their countries of origin, which manifests as a fierce patriotism.

Cancers are homebodies, but they are also sociable with those close to them (though some are painfully shy outside of their inner circles). They prefer to live with others. However, these others are generally close friends and family members rather than casual acquaintances.


Self-Sacrificing

Cancers often devote their entire lives to their mates and their children, sometimes at the expense of developing their own talents. This can cause a martyr complex if they’re not careful. Unless the ascendant falls in a fire sign, Cancers often put others first and don’t take care of their own needs, which can lead to resentment and bitter arguments. Cancers have a tendency to spoil mates, children and animals. They are often the ones to take care of various extended family members as well. Cancers need to be needed.

Extremely Sensitive

Cancers overreact to criticism. Words can wound more deeply than blows. When hurt, a Cancer will usually retreat for awhile. Cancers may seem moody or crabby, but this is a tough exterior designed to hide their vulnerability from others. They are prone to worry, and tension may be experienced as stomach upset, heart palpitations or tightness in the chest. Some Cancerians grow depressed as a result of the self-pity that comes from dwelling on real or imagined slights. They have a tendency to complain a lot about minor problems, but meet major traumas with quiet stoicism.

Intuitive and Empathic

Cancers are highly intuitive. Many Cancers have a strong, almost psychic link with at least one member of their family if not all of them. Cancers are good at assessing the moods and feelings of others and offering comfort if needed.

Cancers can withstand physical hardship but they have trouble with emotional hardship. Because of this, they are very empathic and quick to comfort those who are sick and suffering. Many Cancerians get taken advantage of by unscrupulous people because they can be quite gullible and eager to help.

Active Versus Passive

There are two types of Cancerians—the active and the passive. The first type is usually active on behalf of other people or animals. Cancers will labor tirelessly on behalf of a friend, partner, family or a good cause, but without such a focus, this sign has a tendency to be lazy. Cancer people can sit around for hours socializing, drinking, watching TV or listening to music. This tendency toward extremes can also be seen in the cleanliness of a Cancer house. Cancer homes can either be extremely tidy or complete disaster areas.

Past-Oriented

Cancers spend a lot of time thinking about the past. They tend to have particularly powerful relationships with their mothers (either extremely good or extremely bad) and with other women in their lives. Many Cancers have an interest in the ancient past as well as their own pasts. They indulge in nostalgia, which makes them good historians. Common Cancer hobbies include collecting antiques, furniture restoration, restoring old cars or boats, archeology and other activities relating to the past.

Water Loving and Addictive

Most Cancers like boats, sailing, pools and baths. They are drawn to water and liquids, which is probably why quite a few of them drink too much. This is an overindulgent sign. Cancers love to feed their friends and family, and will often consume too much themselves. Cancers also become addicted very quickly to cigarettes or drugs if they indulge in them.

Creative and Domestic

Cancer is a creative sign and many Cancerians have artistic talents. Music and photography are common strengths. Cancers also tend to be excellent cooks and have green thumbs, which makes them pleasant household companions.

Wowsa

What an amazing week that finished with an amazing weekend as well! I hope everyone else had just as good of a week! Lots of little adventures were had. All I can say is WOWSA! Now I have to get back on track and work out a lot to burn all the beer out of my system! All the dancing was good but somehow I don't think it burned enough calories! I still can't feel my toes and I am on little to no sleep but I just need to make it through the next 4 days and I'll have 3 days and I'll have 4 days off! Thank goodness for being able to make my own schedule.... Now what am I going to do for my 4 day weekend??

Sleeping can be dangerous!

I am not afraid to say it… I got my butt kicked last night! I got into a fight with the nightstand and it won. Yesterday when I finally arrived at my hotel, I didn’t pay much mind to the two beds in my room. I didn’t even think too much about it when I laid down to do some work on the computer. When I really started to notice something seemed off was when I went to sprawl out and go to bed. Like always, I turned on my side and sprawled all out. At 5’8 I was a little surprised when my legs were kinda hanging off the bed. I started to wonder why all of a sudden something just didn’t feel right. I was so tired I just stopped trying to figure it out. So, 4 am rolls around and it hit me, literally. I woke up to my head slamming against the nightstand as I hit the floor. All was explained by the knot on my head and the throbbing pain…. It was a double bed. Now, mind you I haven’t slept in a double bed since I was in college and all the hotel rooms I stay in either have a King sized bed or 2 Queen sized beds. It never occurred to me what was different because I was so tired. Sleeping might not be so easy tonight as I will be overly concerned about sleeping carefully. I am thinking maybe I need some safety gear! We will see how tonight goes I guess and make the decision in the morning. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Holiday Inns gone wild!

How many Holiday Inn’s could there possibly be in Frederick, MD? Well I know of at least 2 that are about 2 miles apart. Yeah, found that out the hard way. So I pull up the Hotel I am staying at and it doesn’t list an address only an intersection. Now, of course pulling it up in GPS is like searching the yellow pages for a John Smith. I mean there are only a million and a half Holiday Inns in the MD. So I put in the town and figured when I got here I could search for the Holiday Inn once I got here. So I arrived in the pouring rain, pulled my car to the side of the road, throw on my hazards and began the GPS search for Holiday Inns close by near that intersection. Wala! I found it with out any problems so I get to this intersection and I see the sign for the Holiday Inn on the right with a sign posted to take a right. So what did I do…. Followed the sign…Until as I am making the turn, I notice the Holiday Inn on my left that was hidden by a patch of trees. I make the right and bust a U-Turn cursing all the while as to why they would put a sign on the right when the damn hotel was on the left. As I approach the stop light I start to justify the stupidity in it. Maybe you can’t make a left turn at the light and you have to make the U-turn to get to this place… Who knows but by this point I had a headache and was already frustrated and the rain was picking up. Once I make it there I thought I was in the free and clear… Nope… As soon as I pull into the parking spot convienetly located at the back of the lot, It starts a sudden down pour. Could this get any better? Of course it could… So I wait patiently in the car till the rain stops but it doesn’t and I have to go to the bathroom so I brave the storm and haul my luggage all the way to the door. WOW! Soaking wet I stood there while the girl searched for my reservation… Ooops she says… That didn’t sound reassuring. She then proceeds to tell me my reservation is not for that Holiday Inn and this is a common mistake. What, really? She tells me that my reservation is for the Holiday Inn about 2 miles away. She says I should have turned right instead of left… Well chikadee I did turn right… Then I saw this place that said Holiday Inn… Who would have thought? So I hauled my luggage back out into the pouring rain and headed towards the other hotel. Of course by the time I got there it had completely stopped raining! When did Holiday Inns become like McDonalds that there is one on every freaking corner?

Tattoos and Vicadin

So, yes I am still gonna get this next tattoo, I have made up my mind and I am supppper stoked about it. My hold up is my time line got kinda screwed because I tried to plan it around something I knew I really couldn't plan it around and hoped for the best. Didn't go very well. Despite all the hype about getting a new tattoo I am super nervous when I have heard getting it where I am getting it is going to feel like I am being gutted, OUCH. I mean my others hurt but in that good kinda way. I was told to take Vicadin before I go in??? Not that I am not going to get my tatt but wow it must be terrible pain. I am a trooper though, I might get teary eyed but I am gonna do it with no pain pills. Yowsers, though! It will be about 2 weeks and I am there! YAY!!!

Who thought Monday's were a good idea?

6:03am my phone rings and I was preparing for someone to die! Who would dare call me this early in the morning. Don’t they know the rules? NEVER before 8am but of course it was Corey, no one else would dare call me that early. I think he might be the only person who is not afraid of me. So after the well expected cussing, he tells me why he is really calling…. His orders to go to Afghanistan have come through…. 7 months in the something I can’t pronounce province. Now, we all know how I feel about war but why does it have to be my people? Send someone else! He then proceeds to tell me there is no phone, internet or even mail service over there. Apparently, it is undeveloped territory. Nice, just where you need to be butthead… why not send out invites to all the terrorist and say…

Hey Yo Mr. Terrorist,
I am out in the middle of the mountains & deserts. Just thought you would like to know where, just look for the big Hum-V’s and Tents…. Yeah that’s us… send a bomb our way! You can come cuddle with me in my hole in the mountain if you would like we do have warm sleeping bags!
See you soon

I mean really… NOT SAFE! Good thing there is no mail system. Too bad he can’t take sick days and get out of going there. Although, I don’t think he would even if he had too! He got mad at me when I told him I hoped he blew his knee out or his ankle this morning at PT…. Oh well it’ll keep your goofy ass here. Shoot something here, blow something up here…. A lot less dangerous! Anyways, 7 am on a Monday and I am awake. Not only did I get woken up, I get woken up with terrible news and I realize Corey has become an angry person all of a sudden! I mean I know him inside out and I know what it is but as an EX I can’t tell him anything… I can just listen! That makes it even worse! I know he trusts my advice and I want to tell him what to do to not be so angry but I can’t. Although, I was telling him about Donkey this morning and that proved to be an interesting conversation. Anger at 7 am makes for interesting conversation. Guess I am gonna go work out all my anger with strip aerobics now….

Little Miracles

Anyone that knows me knows that I believe babies are little miracles. They are a true gift from God. When you hold a baby it is an overwhelming sensation that lets you know, despite the world we know, which is driven by selfishness and sins, innocence and purity still exist. The first time a baby opens their eyes you see purity, when you hold them you feel the honest love, and when they wrap those little fingers around yours reaching out for you, you know deep in your heart how powerful that innocence is. Everyone was born this way, no one was born selfish or full of sin. Those are choices people make. That one look, that little body in your arms, those little fingers wrapped around yours, make everything in the world ok for that one second. If you don’t know what I am talking about, you are either too shallow and self absorbed to understand or you’ve never really held a new born baby. If you watch, really watch… look beyond the little human sitting there…. There is a moment in that one second where you realize each breath, each movement, each touch all came from love and in a world filled with hate and disdain there is still hope. All the children in my life…. My nephew, Annabell, and now Montana are all reminders of that…

Wednesdays are the new Mondays... didn't you get the memo?

It has been an interesting roller coaster ride of a day to say the least. After my very eventfully amusing meeting this morning back to work it was. Though it was a very normal work day, the moment I left work my day just went up and down. I spoke my mind and let someone know my feelings…. I think I made him a lot upset but he hasn’t worried about my feelings so I needed to worry about my feelings.... I did what I had to do and said what I needed to say…. Now that, that is done, I feel much better and am almost over it! I think that was pretty much all I needed to do was say what I needed to say! Now…. Proven tonight after a couple of drinks…. I am back on the market and the sign in the door says AVAILABLE again! Now you can’t stop caring about someone but you can stop wanting them and that’s what I did! Immaturity is not really what I am looking for. I am back to the search for an emotionally available, mature, caring, manly man…. So anyways I headed off for dinner and drinks with my mom which proved to be a little frustrating after she shared her disqust about my decision to get another tattoo! Well…. Hate it for her… she just has to except that I am the girl who will get all dressed up in her glitz and glam, business suit or have a closet of pretty much all J. Crew but I will have a few tattoos hidden under there. It’s me. It’s who I am and they are a part of who I am. I don’t have some trashy butterfly on my ankle or some tramp stamp that means nothing to me. All of my tattoo have deep meaning to me and represent who I am and where I came from to be who I am now. Do I think tattoos are classy? No. I am a hypocrite. Seeing tattoos on people I automatically judge, however, mine are never EVER seen unless I show them. Bathing suits won’t even show my tattoos! They are personal to me. Her concern is what if I find a great guy that won’t be able to get over my tattoos….. Well we all know me… I feel strongly about something and you don’t like it…. There is the door! I have too many men chasing me to settle for one that doesn’t accept me. Accepting my tattoos is accepting me. They are special to me and no I will not regret them when I am 90! I have had tattoos for several years now and not once have I ever thought why did I do that? I cherish what they stand for everyday! Ok, so then in the middle of this heated argument, I get the text! Jackie is in labor and they are breaking her water! YAY! No more hoarding children in her belly! So as I waited patiently at the bar with Laura, John finally text me to let me know that Montana Matthew Thomas was born 9lbs 3oz 21in at 8:47pm! YAY! So yes, my God son is finally here! Now that I have all that sorted out… I want to get on this whole finding a good guy wagon and tattoo situation!

My Food Network Addiction!

Hello, my name is Ashton and I have and addiction to the Food Network. Seriously, it's like a little obsession I have! If you thought I watched CMT or GAC more than anybody you knew, you might be right but when it is not on, you will find my TV tuned into Food Network! Paula Deen and The Neeley's are of course my favorite but Giada and Guy run a fast second. We all know I love to cook but don't do much of it these days cause i just don't have the time. It is also not very easy to cook for one person. Why spend an hour in the kitchen for just me? No sense in that.... I do it every once and awhile but not very often. Maybe I will cook this weekend, maybe bake, something... I just have to eat something healthier than the crap I have been eating! I have sooo many recipes I want to try out but dang it, no one to cook for so I guess I'll test them on myself until I meet a nice guy!

I've got that bug again!

So for the past three months I have had that itch for a new tattoo... I am desperately wanting one. The addiction has taken over and I can't stop myself! Anyone want in? Let me know.... Now me and my sprained ankle are off to work.

I found Screech in NY

Do you know who Dustin Diamond is? He is the actor that played Screech on Saved By the Bell. However, now a days you can find him making an ass of himself on Biggest Loser Celebrity edition and his not so popular attempt at amateur porn. So, as I am sitting at work today, I look out the window and low and behold behind the idiot dressed up in a bumble bee costume, there it was the funniest, most random thing I have seen in a little bit. There he was Dustin Diamond pedaling away! I could have fallen over laughing.... I mean there he was bustin' a sweat, mouth open wide gasping for air and he was trucking it along on his little Huffy bike. Now obviously, Dustin Diamond was not biking through Webster, NY but it sure looked like him. I just couldn't help it, I died laughing at the look on this poor guys face.... He had this look of I know I look like that crazy nut Dustin Diamond and now I have to push this stupid Huffy along through Webster, NY and I am too old and out of shape for all that! It was hilarious! Hours later that stupid bee was still outside dancing around and I still had to laugh just thinking about that poor guy! Now the Do the Stanky Leg song is on so I gots to go bust out my sweet dance moves!

Saturday is here...

Wow, sick again.... how does this happen? I need to start taking something for my immune system... what is that stuff called? I give up! I did however get some amazing sleep... I fell asleep early, I think I got like 10 hours of sleep. So needed! I put my phone where it could not call people who will end up calling me back and waking me up... I can't take it anymore. I mean there is nothing worse than knowing people can listen in on your convo's and you not know it. I mean I have nothing to hide but it's a little nerve racking to know someone can only hear pieces of convo's and have the completely wrong idea of what a convo was about or what was really being said! Who knows though, until sprint can mail me a new one I am out of luck and just have to figure out the best way to deal with it. Otherwise, maybe today I will be able to function. I mean I only have one day left so I think I can make it! I am done for awhile, I will not be going out except for I hear there is a mechanical bull bar up near the conference I am attending in a couple weeks.... Anyone in? I actually just want to get home relax go fishing, hang out, get some beach time maybe drive up to Ocean City or down to VA beach for a day or two... Anyone in? Anyone?

Boy oh boy...

I woke up this morning knowing today was not going to be an over the top great day but dang it, nothing could go right today! I still have to laugh about it though. So as I stumbled out of bed this morning…. Literally I stumbled and almost fell…. As I was teetering to one side trying to catch my balance I sneezed discovering my allergies were kicking my butt, my throat was soar and I was all congested…. YES, just how I wanted to feel! So, I drag myself to work only to discover my body wanted me to go back to bed. Every direction I was suppose to take my body took the other direction. I couldn’t function at all. I hit my funny bone a total of 5 times and it wasn’t funny at all. Why do we call it funny bone? I also managed to walk into a wall which though it really was just my shoulder that hit the door frame, it left a bruise…. Can we say OWWW? I then tripped twice which was a little embarrassing….. The best of all was the large cut I ended up with. So I am walking around this corner and there is a metal section on the wall that’s poking out and caught my knuckle. Lets just say after 4 Band-Aid changes in 20 minutes, I am going to have a pretty knarley scar. After I finally make it back to the hotel and find out they still haven’t taken my grandfather back for surgery, I am exauhsted. I don’t want to even move. I would love to get some dinner but can’t bring myself to actually move. Instead, I am sitting here watching Extreme Home Makeover, crying of course and admiring the man who doesn’t realize he will be my husband one day. I will be Mrs. Ty Pennington one day, he just doesn’t know it yet. Man oh man this show makes me cry, like seriously ball my eyes out…. And I am hungry! All I really want today is Sushi, a good man, more money and sleep…. I mean someone say a prayer for me… today I need it! I don’t think that’s much to ask for at all! Ok I am thinking about bath, me time and bed to satisfy my needs!

Houston I figured out the problem!!!

Ok, so as most of you already know my phone is crazy... I figured it out though! After being yelled at for scaring someone(who shall remain nameless) by calling someone at 4am without saying anything, and having him call me at 6 am and wake me up because I called him for like 2 hours....I had to figure it out! Now it's effecting my sleep.... Not good, Not good... One, the phone was in my purse and in my pocket for only brief moments earlier on but even when I had it plugged into the wall last night sleeping, it was doing it. The phone however was still in the bed but face down or had the TV remote touching the top of the keyboard. It seems this only happens when something is touching the keyboard and the phone isn't locked. One, I have to always remember to lock my phone when I am not on it. Two, when it is not locked it is either calling people in my speed dials or recent call log....(I am a little unsure about this one) I am not sure why this is going on all of a sudden but I am going to get a new phone, I just have to have time to get it done.... I will just have to make sure that until then, I just keep my phone locked... Sorry peoples

No sex in the champagne room...

So, I would have sat at home last night cleaned and did laundry. But noooo, I get a phone call saying some friends were going to jail unless I came and got them. So once dressed and ready to head out, I find out it was all an evil joke and I was suppose to meet them at the bar. Now, I feel like death frozen. That evil plot turned out to be one hell of a night! Who thought it was a good idea to order 4 bottles of champagne? I should have figured that all the beer was enough to suffice for the evening. It was an interesting night to say the least but a lot of fun…. Now I am left to recover…

Intimacy

It seems like only yesterday at the ripe age of what, 13, we started our journey into sex education. We sat nervously listening as our nerdy health teachers covered everything from our anatomy to the contraction of STD's. Curious, embarrassed and a little scared, we sat there wide eyed and ready to take that passage into what we thought was adult hood. Soaking everything in like sponges, we never realized how complicated that one class was going to make the rest of our lives. Somewhere in the midst of child birth and STD's, the penis and the vagina, they forgot to mention that the complications of the penis well exceeded pregnancy and STD's. They told you how to put on a condom but not how to deal with discovering you were just sex or the other girl or even worse being just sex and the first of many girls in the picture. They explained menstrual cycles and erections but they never found it pertinent to explain monogamy or the emotions sex produces. There were never worksheets about how to deal with being used. We women were left on our own to figure it all out. Growing up as a child you were led to the impression that intimacy was this amazing thing to strive for. This treasure you would be lucky to find. The thing is, as a child no one ever explained what it meant, the benefits and consequences, all from this one word. We were left to find out on our own. Webster dictionary defines it as something of a personal or private nature. Intimacy varies from relationship to relationship. This four syllable word can fill your heart with love and hope or break it in an instant regardless of whether it is physical, emotional, or both. There's a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either have to take that step forward or turn around and run away. Love is not always the simple I like you, you like me, lets make this work. Sometimes, some people are so jaded, they test each other, sometimes they settle for the ones they know are less likely to hurt them, someone they love less, someone stable and safe. But they always end up with the ones they truly love right?

Happy Easter

Well, I have to say this is one of the best Easter’s we have had as a family in a long time. It’s days like this that are good for your heart! Everyone laughed, everyone drank and everyone played like we were kids again. After a couple of cocktails at brunch, the day became increasingly more amusing. We went back to my sister’s house and hung out for a bit took our usual over abundance of pictures and off to the park we went. For a moment I remembered what it was like to be a kid again. There was nothing but the playground and the family running around having fun like the dorks we are. I don’t think I have been on a swing in years! Though, of course like everything else I was a natural. I was however a little frightened going down the slipperiest slide there was. It wouldn’t have been a big deal had I not been holding my nephew… There was no way to stop and that sucker was fast. I thought for sure I was going to drop him and get the Worst Aunt of the Year award! It wasn’t the most pleasant experience. I really thought we were gonna eat dirt there for a minute. Thank goodness for my most amazing Hale Bob shoes that landed just right at the end of the slide! My day was just completed by a very unexpected phone call that put a few butterflies back in my stomach…. ☺ I will keep everyone posted about all that….

Guys, please a little forewarning...

Ok, so explain something to me. Where is the Courtesy from guys? We go out to a bar with our friends just to have a good time. We are out dancing, drinking enjoying each other's company and out of nowhere there you guys are surrounding us grinding on us in places you should be buying drinks to get to. Now it's not quite the grinding part that makes a girl uncomfortable, it's the not knowing who's doing the grinding that makes it a little creepy. Is it the old fart that was standing in the corner watching you anxiously to see how far down to the floor you would go before you came back up to shake your ass in his direction? Is it the really nerdy guy that’s kinda sexy that you thought you caught eyeing you earlier? Maybe the Ghetto Fabulous Thug that thinks your pretty fly for a white guy? Or better yet, was it the sweaty, scary, freak with the personality of Ted Bundy? In our heads, we are thinking, chances are its not the sexy nerdy guy, the hot Mc Dreamy guy or even anyone close to it. Those guys aren't usually the ones to sneak up behind you like that forcing you to lean forward to your friend asking her who the hell is behind you, gropping you!!!! See there are several problems with this. One our friends taste may not be that of our own. Two straining to hear the rating of guy behind me from my friend could be miscontstrewed by the loud dance music. She could be telling me if you think Napolean Dynamite is a God he's you man, I on the other hand could hear, Nail him he's a Dynamite God! See how things like that could happen???? Among other potential problems, dancing, drinking, and leaning could lead to falling! Instead, we walk away only to find out that you were cute. Do you know how dissapointing that is for us? So I beg of you have the Courtesy of letting us see who you are before you take it upon yourself to grab us inappropraitly! Let us decide first if we want you too!

These Boots were made for walking....

You know, Kids amaze me! So it's a rainy Saturday and what else would I rather do than spend it with my Sissy and my nephew? I spent the afternoon in pure amazement of how much he's grown. Not only is he crawling now, he's pulling himself up and standing... he has also learned to crawl up the stairs, with supervision of course. But my favorite part of the day was when he put on his first pair of boots... He just makes me smile! His new favorite toys are cell phones and he will hold the phone up to his ear and in jumbled words have a conversation! I love it! He manages to steal my heart more and more each time I see him!

TGIF

So even though I was getting a little cabin fever waiting for the dishwasher repair man, It was a great day! I headed down to Alexandria and got to spend a couple hours with Annabelle which was just as much fun as always! Playing with sidewalk chalk is always fun! Then my Momma drove back from NC so I we went to dinner and had some drinks and now I am home... My eyes are all swollen and itchy from all the pollen but I am going to make some Martini's and take a bubble bath, light some candles and relax! TGIF!

Top 20

Top 20 Songs of the day

20. Turn me on- Norah Jones
19. Scare Me- Kenny Chesney
18. Falling into you- Whiskey Falls
17. Big Girls Don’t Cry- Fergie
16. The woman with you- Kenny Chesney
15. Roll with me- Montgomery Gentry
14. Don’t think I don’t think about it-Darius Rucker
13. What if it all goes right- Melissa Lawson
12. Already Gone-Sugarland
11. Everyday America- Sugarland
10. Good Directions- Billy Currington
9. In Color- Jamey Johnson
8. Fuck the Po-Po-Corey Smith
7. Whatever it is- Zac Brown
6. Livin our love song- Jason Michael Caroll
5. Temporary Angel- Pat Green
4. I can live with that- Jeremy Mccomb
3. She couldn’t change me- Montgomery Gentry
2. Long way to go- Corey Smith
1. My kinda woman- Craig Morgan

A hard day ahead...

April 9th is never an easy day for me and I want to say thank you to everyone who checks in on me. It is gonna be a hard day but I will do what I do and smile. My dad wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s just hard to believe it’s been 10 years. It seems like only yesterday. I am a Daddy’s girl and always will be but being my Daddy’s girl means smiling through the pain. All I ask of everyone is to remember life is short and remember to let people know you care about them because you never know what tomorrow holds.

Carmen Electra Killed Me the Morning!

OWW OWW OWW! So this morning I was feeling guilty of about all the days in PA where I didn't really work out like I should have and I ate crap and then yesterday for dinner I had Chinese food.... YUCK! I mean every once and awhile alright but all the eating like crap ended last night with the Pomegranate Martini's I made! I some how got myself back on track this morning enough to get up let the dogs out, make my pot of coffee, and torture myself. I pushed myself to do more than normal Carmen Electra's Strip Aerobics and every muscle is now I feel like I ran 10 miles and then was hit by a car! Now you would think that it wouldn't be so bad because it's "Strip Aerobics" Well....It's serious business. Yes, it comes equipped with a hip hop session which is simply cardio, a lesson in different strip teases, which is very much strength building and cardio, my favorite which is the lap dance which really works your abs and lower body, and the daily warm-up and aerobic striptease which will kick your butt. I should have just waited till tonight to finish the last portion of the DVD like always. Now I am going to have to go to work with painful legs, butt, abs, shoulders, back, and arms! Nice huh! I hope everyone has a great day!

Ughh....

So, it's 1:20am and I am awake...Why? Someone please explain it to me! Apparently my choice to drink liquor tonight wasn't well thought out... 2 martini's wasn't enough to distract me from missing the Donkey... Neither was paying bills or watching movies... Which I have to say What Happens in Vegas is the cutest movie! I guess some days are harder than others to distract myself. Then the phone call came which just made me miss the Donkey even more. Not that I didn't want to talk to him, cause I did.... but damn it. Why does this have to be so freaking difficult? Stupid boys....

Getting old is so not fun...

Yeah so, I woke up this morning and I wanted to go for a run so bad this morning. Maybe it was the guilt of knowing I have ate like crap for the past 3 days or just wanting to clear my mind, but I wanted to lace up my shoes and go. I then remembered that I would have made it about a quarter of a mile down the road before my knees started burning and hurting and the walk back would be me listening to my knees creek and make old people noises! So I am instead going to do my strip aerobics, do some squats and hate myself tomorrow when legs feel like someone beat me with a bat and my stomach muscles just plain hurt. I think I am going to give in and start taking this new herbal stuff that is suppose to be great for joints. We will see if my old people knees will get a little better.

Thank you, I love you but know I am OK

I know a lot of you have been worried about me lately, but I just want to set your minds at ease. I am OK. I know you guys tell me I am too nice, too caring, my heart is too big and all the other wonderful things ya’ll tell me but you know I’ll never change those things about me. I may have had a rough patch and been hurt but I am not dying, I just had a broken heart. I will survive. If I could survive Cancer, I can certainly survive a broken heart. Which, by the way May 1st will be 5 years with no cancerous cells if all goes well on my check-up. YAY!!! Anyhow, my point is, I am ok. My long drive to PA was exactly what I needed. I needed it more than anything right now. There is something to be said about getting in your car and just driving. Driving somehow gives me a sense of having control. When something goes sideways in my life, driving is like therapy for me, I think it’s because it’s the only thing I can really control. I was able to process my thoughts and accept that I am still a little twisted, accept that I still miss “Donkey” and accept that I still care about him as well. Most importantly, I accepted that though he doesn't care and it's over, it is OK to feel the way I feel. I am all put back together again but you guys know me… I don’t let someone even close to entering my world unless I think they are worthy and when I care about someone even just a little bit I do it a 110%..... I obviously cared about him more than a little bit and for over a month now, I have beaten myself up about the way things happened and tortured myself about not allowing him to see who I was or being able to get my words out right. Because I was scared, I became “that girl” and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was doing little things and saying little things hoping to push him away so I wouldn’t get hurt. I never want to be “that girl” again and I have forgiven myself so that I can move forward and never be “that girl” again. I am ok and I will be ok because, I know that me becoming “that girl,” you know the “typical” girl is not who I am and it was only fear that controlled me. Even now that I am all put back together and back to good, I can honestly say I am better for it. He is a great guy and though I still care about him, I am not saying this because I still care about him, he treated me right(minus his indecisiveness and not caring about me…)I haven’t been that happy dating someone in a long, loooong time. Even if things didn’t end up the way I had hoped( ya know dating some more and moving into a relationship….cause that’s what dating leads too…lol) I really did learn something… a lot of things actually. I know some of you think it’s ridiculous that I haven’t started dating again but you should know by now when I still care about someone whether I have given up hope or not, I won’t jump into something else. I don’t want just someone and I don’t do the whole date-to-date thing… I am quite fine being single and we all know how I feel about being hit on in bars. I know how ya’ll feel but the boys at the bar, who cares that I gave them a fake number, attractive or not, I am a person with an honest heart and if my mind is on someone else, I won’t go there. I don’t fall for cheap lines and know a boy in a bar hitting on girls is not the guy I want. I want the friendship before any of that…. Ya’ll buy into that shit and call me crying when they don’t call 3 days later… I never have to worry about it…. Yeah it’s flattering and all you think I am hot but the farthest you will ever get to me is buying me a drink.... My philosophies are amazing…. Ya’ll should pay attention to them. Even after a bottle and a half of wine and hot bath later, I can honestly say that this opening has been good for me. I had a nice drive up here( and look forward to the long drive home) the time by myself tonight to just listen to music and think has done wonders for my heart! I am ok and know that I appreciate all your calls and worry but my feelings for “donkey” won’t change tomorrow but I will still be OK! I love you and thank you!

P.S. Top 10 songs of the night.....

10.What I'd give-Sugarland
9.Why do I still want you-Andy Griggs
8.Realize-Colbie Caillat
7.All over you-Pat Mcgee
6.Addicted-Saving Able
5. What's on my mind- Blake Shelton
4.Don't think I don't think about it-Darius Rucker
3.That's just Jessie-Kevin Denney
2.Waht hurt's the most- Rascal Flatts
1. What if it all goes right-Melissa Lawson