If you have not checked this out, you should.... It cracks me up! Here are my favs!
(417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
(317): honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
(706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
(703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
(757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
(416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
(516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
(678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
(440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!
(916): and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
(781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
(1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
(508): billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
(317): i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
(204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week
(610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seriously, this cracks me up.... why because they are actually texts that are sent! I would hate to see some of my drunken texts up there. Yikes! Go To textsfromlastnight.com
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