Sleeping can be dangerous!

I am not afraid to say it… I got my butt kicked last night! I got into a fight with the nightstand and it won. Yesterday when I finally arrived at my hotel, I didn’t pay much mind to the two beds in my room. I didn’t even think too much about it when I laid down to do some work on the computer. When I really started to notice something seemed off was when I went to sprawl out and go to bed. Like always, I turned on my side and sprawled all out. At 5’8 I was a little surprised when my legs were kinda hanging off the bed. I started to wonder why all of a sudden something just didn’t feel right. I was so tired I just stopped trying to figure it out. So, 4 am rolls around and it hit me, literally. I woke up to my head slamming against the nightstand as I hit the floor. All was explained by the knot on my head and the throbbing pain…. It was a double bed. Now, mind you I haven’t slept in a double bed since I was in college and all the hotel rooms I stay in either have a King sized bed or 2 Queen sized beds. It never occurred to me what was different because I was so tired. Sleeping might not be so easy tonight as I will be overly concerned about sleeping carefully. I am thinking maybe I need some safety gear! We will see how tonight goes I guess and make the decision in the morning. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Holiday Inns gone wild!

How many Holiday Inn’s could there possibly be in Frederick, MD? Well I know of at least 2 that are about 2 miles apart. Yeah, found that out the hard way. So I pull up the Hotel I am staying at and it doesn’t list an address only an intersection. Now, of course pulling it up in GPS is like searching the yellow pages for a John Smith. I mean there are only a million and a half Holiday Inns in the MD. So I put in the town and figured when I got here I could search for the Holiday Inn once I got here. So I arrived in the pouring rain, pulled my car to the side of the road, throw on my hazards and began the GPS search for Holiday Inns close by near that intersection. Wala! I found it with out any problems so I get to this intersection and I see the sign for the Holiday Inn on the right with a sign posted to take a right. So what did I do…. Followed the sign…Until as I am making the turn, I notice the Holiday Inn on my left that was hidden by a patch of trees. I make the right and bust a U-Turn cursing all the while as to why they would put a sign on the right when the damn hotel was on the left. As I approach the stop light I start to justify the stupidity in it. Maybe you can’t make a left turn at the light and you have to make the U-turn to get to this place… Who knows but by this point I had a headache and was already frustrated and the rain was picking up. Once I make it there I thought I was in the free and clear… Nope… As soon as I pull into the parking spot convienetly located at the back of the lot, It starts a sudden down pour. Could this get any better? Of course it could… So I wait patiently in the car till the rain stops but it doesn’t and I have to go to the bathroom so I brave the storm and haul my luggage all the way to the door. WOW! Soaking wet I stood there while the girl searched for my reservation… Ooops she says… That didn’t sound reassuring. She then proceeds to tell me my reservation is not for that Holiday Inn and this is a common mistake. What, really? She tells me that my reservation is for the Holiday Inn about 2 miles away. She says I should have turned right instead of left… Well chikadee I did turn right… Then I saw this place that said Holiday Inn… Who would have thought? So I hauled my luggage back out into the pouring rain and headed towards the other hotel. Of course by the time I got there it had completely stopped raining! When did Holiday Inns become like McDonalds that there is one on every freaking corner?

Tattoos and Vicadin

So, yes I am still gonna get this next tattoo, I have made up my mind and I am supppper stoked about it. My hold up is my time line got kinda screwed because I tried to plan it around something I knew I really couldn't plan it around and hoped for the best. Didn't go very well. Despite all the hype about getting a new tattoo I am super nervous when I have heard getting it where I am getting it is going to feel like I am being gutted, OUCH. I mean my others hurt but in that good kinda way. I was told to take Vicadin before I go in??? Not that I am not going to get my tatt but wow it must be terrible pain. I am a trooper though, I might get teary eyed but I am gonna do it with no pain pills. Yowsers, though! It will be about 2 weeks and I am there! YAY!!!

Who thought Monday's were a good idea?

6:03am my phone rings and I was preparing for someone to die! Who would dare call me this early in the morning. Don’t they know the rules? NEVER before 8am but of course it was Corey, no one else would dare call me that early. I think he might be the only person who is not afraid of me. So after the well expected cussing, he tells me why he is really calling…. His orders to go to Afghanistan have come through…. 7 months in the something I can’t pronounce province. Now, we all know how I feel about war but why does it have to be my people? Send someone else! He then proceeds to tell me there is no phone, internet or even mail service over there. Apparently, it is undeveloped territory. Nice, just where you need to be butthead… why not send out invites to all the terrorist and say…

Hey Yo Mr. Terrorist,
I am out in the middle of the mountains & deserts. Just thought you would like to know where, just look for the big Hum-V’s and Tents…. Yeah that’s us… send a bomb our way! You can come cuddle with me in my hole in the mountain if you would like we do have warm sleeping bags!
See you soon

I mean really… NOT SAFE! Good thing there is no mail system. Too bad he can’t take sick days and get out of going there. Although, I don’t think he would even if he had too! He got mad at me when I told him I hoped he blew his knee out or his ankle this morning at PT…. Oh well it’ll keep your goofy ass here. Shoot something here, blow something up here…. A lot less dangerous! Anyways, 7 am on a Monday and I am awake. Not only did I get woken up, I get woken up with terrible news and I realize Corey has become an angry person all of a sudden! I mean I know him inside out and I know what it is but as an EX I can’t tell him anything… I can just listen! That makes it even worse! I know he trusts my advice and I want to tell him what to do to not be so angry but I can’t. Although, I was telling him about Donkey this morning and that proved to be an interesting conversation. Anger at 7 am makes for interesting conversation. Guess I am gonna go work out all my anger with strip aerobics now….

Little Miracles

Anyone that knows me knows that I believe babies are little miracles. They are a true gift from God. When you hold a baby it is an overwhelming sensation that lets you know, despite the world we know, which is driven by selfishness and sins, innocence and purity still exist. The first time a baby opens their eyes you see purity, when you hold them you feel the honest love, and when they wrap those little fingers around yours reaching out for you, you know deep in your heart how powerful that innocence is. Everyone was born this way, no one was born selfish or full of sin. Those are choices people make. That one look, that little body in your arms, those little fingers wrapped around yours, make everything in the world ok for that one second. If you don’t know what I am talking about, you are either too shallow and self absorbed to understand or you’ve never really held a new born baby. If you watch, really watch… look beyond the little human sitting there…. There is a moment in that one second where you realize each breath, each movement, each touch all came from love and in a world filled with hate and disdain there is still hope. All the children in my life…. My nephew, Annabell, and now Montana are all reminders of that…

Wednesdays are the new Mondays... didn't you get the memo?

It has been an interesting roller coaster ride of a day to say the least. After my very eventfully amusing meeting this morning back to work it was. Though it was a very normal work day, the moment I left work my day just went up and down. I spoke my mind and let someone know my feelings…. I think I made him a lot upset but he hasn’t worried about my feelings so I needed to worry about my feelings.... I did what I had to do and said what I needed to say…. Now that, that is done, I feel much better and am almost over it! I think that was pretty much all I needed to do was say what I needed to say! Now…. Proven tonight after a couple of drinks…. I am back on the market and the sign in the door says AVAILABLE again! Now you can’t stop caring about someone but you can stop wanting them and that’s what I did! Immaturity is not really what I am looking for. I am back to the search for an emotionally available, mature, caring, manly man…. So anyways I headed off for dinner and drinks with my mom which proved to be a little frustrating after she shared her disqust about my decision to get another tattoo! Well…. Hate it for her… she just has to except that I am the girl who will get all dressed up in her glitz and glam, business suit or have a closet of pretty much all J. Crew but I will have a few tattoos hidden under there. It’s me. It’s who I am and they are a part of who I am. I don’t have some trashy butterfly on my ankle or some tramp stamp that means nothing to me. All of my tattoo have deep meaning to me and represent who I am and where I came from to be who I am now. Do I think tattoos are classy? No. I am a hypocrite. Seeing tattoos on people I automatically judge, however, mine are never EVER seen unless I show them. Bathing suits won’t even show my tattoos! They are personal to me. Her concern is what if I find a great guy that won’t be able to get over my tattoos….. Well we all know me… I feel strongly about something and you don’t like it…. There is the door! I have too many men chasing me to settle for one that doesn’t accept me. Accepting my tattoos is accepting me. They are special to me and no I will not regret them when I am 90! I have had tattoos for several years now and not once have I ever thought why did I do that? I cherish what they stand for everyday! Ok, so then in the middle of this heated argument, I get the text! Jackie is in labor and they are breaking her water! YAY! No more hoarding children in her belly! So as I waited patiently at the bar with Laura, John finally text me to let me know that Montana Matthew Thomas was born 9lbs 3oz 21in at 8:47pm! YAY! So yes, my God son is finally here! Now that I have all that sorted out… I want to get on this whole finding a good guy wagon and tattoo situation!

My Food Network Addiction!

Hello, my name is Ashton and I have and addiction to the Food Network. Seriously, it's like a little obsession I have! If you thought I watched CMT or GAC more than anybody you knew, you might be right but when it is not on, you will find my TV tuned into Food Network! Paula Deen and The Neeley's are of course my favorite but Giada and Guy run a fast second. We all know I love to cook but don't do much of it these days cause i just don't have the time. It is also not very easy to cook for one person. Why spend an hour in the kitchen for just me? No sense in that.... I do it every once and awhile but not very often. Maybe I will cook this weekend, maybe bake, something... I just have to eat something healthier than the crap I have been eating! I have sooo many recipes I want to try out but dang it, no one to cook for so I guess I'll test them on myself until I meet a nice guy!

I've got that bug again!

So for the past three months I have had that itch for a new tattoo... I am desperately wanting one. The addiction has taken over and I can't stop myself! Anyone want in? Let me know.... Now me and my sprained ankle are off to work.

I found Screech in NY

Do you know who Dustin Diamond is? He is the actor that played Screech on Saved By the Bell. However, now a days you can find him making an ass of himself on Biggest Loser Celebrity edition and his not so popular attempt at amateur porn. So, as I am sitting at work today, I look out the window and low and behold behind the idiot dressed up in a bumble bee costume, there it was the funniest, most random thing I have seen in a little bit. There he was Dustin Diamond pedaling away! I could have fallen over laughing.... I mean there he was bustin' a sweat, mouth open wide gasping for air and he was trucking it along on his little Huffy bike. Now obviously, Dustin Diamond was not biking through Webster, NY but it sure looked like him. I just couldn't help it, I died laughing at the look on this poor guys face.... He had this look of I know I look like that crazy nut Dustin Diamond and now I have to push this stupid Huffy along through Webster, NY and I am too old and out of shape for all that! It was hilarious! Hours later that stupid bee was still outside dancing around and I still had to laugh just thinking about that poor guy! Now the Do the Stanky Leg song is on so I gots to go bust out my sweet dance moves!

Saturday is here...

Wow, sick again.... how does this happen? I need to start taking something for my immune system... what is that stuff called? I give up! I did however get some amazing sleep... I fell asleep early, I think I got like 10 hours of sleep. So needed! I put my phone where it could not call people who will end up calling me back and waking me up... I can't take it anymore. I mean there is nothing worse than knowing people can listen in on your convo's and you not know it. I mean I have nothing to hide but it's a little nerve racking to know someone can only hear pieces of convo's and have the completely wrong idea of what a convo was about or what was really being said! Who knows though, until sprint can mail me a new one I am out of luck and just have to figure out the best way to deal with it. Otherwise, maybe today I will be able to function. I mean I only have one day left so I think I can make it! I am done for awhile, I will not be going out except for I hear there is a mechanical bull bar up near the conference I am attending in a couple weeks.... Anyone in? I actually just want to get home relax go fishing, hang out, get some beach time maybe drive up to Ocean City or down to VA beach for a day or two... Anyone in? Anyone?

Boy oh boy...

I woke up this morning knowing today was not going to be an over the top great day but dang it, nothing could go right today! I still have to laugh about it though. So as I stumbled out of bed this morning…. Literally I stumbled and almost fell…. As I was teetering to one side trying to catch my balance I sneezed discovering my allergies were kicking my butt, my throat was soar and I was all congested…. YES, just how I wanted to feel! So, I drag myself to work only to discover my body wanted me to go back to bed. Every direction I was suppose to take my body took the other direction. I couldn’t function at all. I hit my funny bone a total of 5 times and it wasn’t funny at all. Why do we call it funny bone? I also managed to walk into a wall which though it really was just my shoulder that hit the door frame, it left a bruise…. Can we say OWWW? I then tripped twice which was a little embarrassing….. The best of all was the large cut I ended up with. So I am walking around this corner and there is a metal section on the wall that’s poking out and caught my knuckle. Lets just say after 4 Band-Aid changes in 20 minutes, I am going to have a pretty knarley scar. After I finally make it back to the hotel and find out they still haven’t taken my grandfather back for surgery, I am exauhsted. I don’t want to even move. I would love to get some dinner but can’t bring myself to actually move. Instead, I am sitting here watching Extreme Home Makeover, crying of course and admiring the man who doesn’t realize he will be my husband one day. I will be Mrs. Ty Pennington one day, he just doesn’t know it yet. Man oh man this show makes me cry, like seriously ball my eyes out…. And I am hungry! All I really want today is Sushi, a good man, more money and sleep…. I mean someone say a prayer for me… today I need it! I don’t think that’s much to ask for at all! Ok I am thinking about bath, me time and bed to satisfy my needs!

Houston I figured out the problem!!!

Ok, so as most of you already know my phone is crazy... I figured it out though! After being yelled at for scaring someone(who shall remain nameless) by calling someone at 4am without saying anything, and having him call me at 6 am and wake me up because I called him for like 2 hours....I had to figure it out! Now it's effecting my sleep.... Not good, Not good... One, the phone was in my purse and in my pocket for only brief moments earlier on but even when I had it plugged into the wall last night sleeping, it was doing it. The phone however was still in the bed but face down or had the TV remote touching the top of the keyboard. It seems this only happens when something is touching the keyboard and the phone isn't locked. One, I have to always remember to lock my phone when I am not on it. Two, when it is not locked it is either calling people in my speed dials or recent call log....(I am a little unsure about this one) I am not sure why this is going on all of a sudden but I am going to get a new phone, I just have to have time to get it done.... I will just have to make sure that until then, I just keep my phone locked... Sorry peoples

No sex in the champagne room...

So, I would have sat at home last night cleaned and did laundry. But noooo, I get a phone call saying some friends were going to jail unless I came and got them. So once dressed and ready to head out, I find out it was all an evil joke and I was suppose to meet them at the bar. Now, I feel like death frozen. That evil plot turned out to be one hell of a night! Who thought it was a good idea to order 4 bottles of champagne? I should have figured that all the beer was enough to suffice for the evening. It was an interesting night to say the least but a lot of fun…. Now I am left to recover…

Intimacy

It seems like only yesterday at the ripe age of what, 13, we started our journey into sex education. We sat nervously listening as our nerdy health teachers covered everything from our anatomy to the contraction of STD's. Curious, embarrassed and a little scared, we sat there wide eyed and ready to take that passage into what we thought was adult hood. Soaking everything in like sponges, we never realized how complicated that one class was going to make the rest of our lives. Somewhere in the midst of child birth and STD's, the penis and the vagina, they forgot to mention that the complications of the penis well exceeded pregnancy and STD's. They told you how to put on a condom but not how to deal with discovering you were just sex or the other girl or even worse being just sex and the first of many girls in the picture. They explained menstrual cycles and erections but they never found it pertinent to explain monogamy or the emotions sex produces. There were never worksheets about how to deal with being used. We women were left on our own to figure it all out. Growing up as a child you were led to the impression that intimacy was this amazing thing to strive for. This treasure you would be lucky to find. The thing is, as a child no one ever explained what it meant, the benefits and consequences, all from this one word. We were left to find out on our own. Webster dictionary defines it as something of a personal or private nature. Intimacy varies from relationship to relationship. This four syllable word can fill your heart with love and hope or break it in an instant regardless of whether it is physical, emotional, or both. There's a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either have to take that step forward or turn around and run away. Love is not always the simple I like you, you like me, lets make this work. Sometimes, some people are so jaded, they test each other, sometimes they settle for the ones they know are less likely to hurt them, someone they love less, someone stable and safe. But they always end up with the ones they truly love right?

Happy Easter

Well, I have to say this is one of the best Easter’s we have had as a family in a long time. It’s days like this that are good for your heart! Everyone laughed, everyone drank and everyone played like we were kids again. After a couple of cocktails at brunch, the day became increasingly more amusing. We went back to my sister’s house and hung out for a bit took our usual over abundance of pictures and off to the park we went. For a moment I remembered what it was like to be a kid again. There was nothing but the playground and the family running around having fun like the dorks we are. I don’t think I have been on a swing in years! Though, of course like everything else I was a natural. I was however a little frightened going down the slipperiest slide there was. It wouldn’t have been a big deal had I not been holding my nephew… There was no way to stop and that sucker was fast. I thought for sure I was going to drop him and get the Worst Aunt of the Year award! It wasn’t the most pleasant experience. I really thought we were gonna eat dirt there for a minute. Thank goodness for my most amazing Hale Bob shoes that landed just right at the end of the slide! My day was just completed by a very unexpected phone call that put a few butterflies back in my stomach…. ☺ I will keep everyone posted about all that….

Guys, please a little forewarning...

Ok, so explain something to me. Where is the Courtesy from guys? We go out to a bar with our friends just to have a good time. We are out dancing, drinking enjoying each other's company and out of nowhere there you guys are surrounding us grinding on us in places you should be buying drinks to get to. Now it's not quite the grinding part that makes a girl uncomfortable, it's the not knowing who's doing the grinding that makes it a little creepy. Is it the old fart that was standing in the corner watching you anxiously to see how far down to the floor you would go before you came back up to shake your ass in his direction? Is it the really nerdy guy that’s kinda sexy that you thought you caught eyeing you earlier? Maybe the Ghetto Fabulous Thug that thinks your pretty fly for a white guy? Or better yet, was it the sweaty, scary, freak with the personality of Ted Bundy? In our heads, we are thinking, chances are its not the sexy nerdy guy, the hot Mc Dreamy guy or even anyone close to it. Those guys aren't usually the ones to sneak up behind you like that forcing you to lean forward to your friend asking her who the hell is behind you, gropping you!!!! See there are several problems with this. One our friends taste may not be that of our own. Two straining to hear the rating of guy behind me from my friend could be miscontstrewed by the loud dance music. She could be telling me if you think Napolean Dynamite is a God he's you man, I on the other hand could hear, Nail him he's a Dynamite God! See how things like that could happen???? Among other potential problems, dancing, drinking, and leaning could lead to falling! Instead, we walk away only to find out that you were cute. Do you know how dissapointing that is for us? So I beg of you have the Courtesy of letting us see who you are before you take it upon yourself to grab us inappropraitly! Let us decide first if we want you too!

These Boots were made for walking....

You know, Kids amaze me! So it's a rainy Saturday and what else would I rather do than spend it with my Sissy and my nephew? I spent the afternoon in pure amazement of how much he's grown. Not only is he crawling now, he's pulling himself up and standing... he has also learned to crawl up the stairs, with supervision of course. But my favorite part of the day was when he put on his first pair of boots... He just makes me smile! His new favorite toys are cell phones and he will hold the phone up to his ear and in jumbled words have a conversation! I love it! He manages to steal my heart more and more each time I see him!

TGIF

So even though I was getting a little cabin fever waiting for the dishwasher repair man, It was a great day! I headed down to Alexandria and got to spend a couple hours with Annabelle which was just as much fun as always! Playing with sidewalk chalk is always fun! Then my Momma drove back from NC so I we went to dinner and had some drinks and now I am home... My eyes are all swollen and itchy from all the pollen but I am going to make some Martini's and take a bubble bath, light some candles and relax! TGIF!

Top 20

Top 20 Songs of the day

20. Turn me on- Norah Jones
19. Scare Me- Kenny Chesney
18. Falling into you- Whiskey Falls
17. Big Girls Don’t Cry- Fergie
16. The woman with you- Kenny Chesney
15. Roll with me- Montgomery Gentry
14. Don’t think I don’t think about it-Darius Rucker
13. What if it all goes right- Melissa Lawson
12. Already Gone-Sugarland
11. Everyday America- Sugarland
10. Good Directions- Billy Currington
9. In Color- Jamey Johnson
8. Fuck the Po-Po-Corey Smith
7. Whatever it is- Zac Brown
6. Livin our love song- Jason Michael Caroll
5. Temporary Angel- Pat Green
4. I can live with that- Jeremy Mccomb
3. She couldn’t change me- Montgomery Gentry
2. Long way to go- Corey Smith
1. My kinda woman- Craig Morgan

A hard day ahead...

April 9th is never an easy day for me and I want to say thank you to everyone who checks in on me. It is gonna be a hard day but I will do what I do and smile. My dad wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s just hard to believe it’s been 10 years. It seems like only yesterday. I am a Daddy’s girl and always will be but being my Daddy’s girl means smiling through the pain. All I ask of everyone is to remember life is short and remember to let people know you care about them because you never know what tomorrow holds.

Carmen Electra Killed Me the Morning!

OWW OWW OWW! So this morning I was feeling guilty of about all the days in PA where I didn't really work out like I should have and I ate crap and then yesterday for dinner I had Chinese food.... YUCK! I mean every once and awhile alright but all the eating like crap ended last night with the Pomegranate Martini's I made! I some how got myself back on track this morning enough to get up let the dogs out, make my pot of coffee, and torture myself. I pushed myself to do more than normal Carmen Electra's Strip Aerobics and every muscle is now I feel like I ran 10 miles and then was hit by a car! Now you would think that it wouldn't be so bad because it's "Strip Aerobics" Well....It's serious business. Yes, it comes equipped with a hip hop session which is simply cardio, a lesson in different strip teases, which is very much strength building and cardio, my favorite which is the lap dance which really works your abs and lower body, and the daily warm-up and aerobic striptease which will kick your butt. I should have just waited till tonight to finish the last portion of the DVD like always. Now I am going to have to go to work with painful legs, butt, abs, shoulders, back, and arms! Nice huh! I hope everyone has a great day!

Ughh....

So, it's 1:20am and I am awake...Why? Someone please explain it to me! Apparently my choice to drink liquor tonight wasn't well thought out... 2 martini's wasn't enough to distract me from missing the Donkey... Neither was paying bills or watching movies... Which I have to say What Happens in Vegas is the cutest movie! I guess some days are harder than others to distract myself. Then the phone call came which just made me miss the Donkey even more. Not that I didn't want to talk to him, cause I did.... but damn it. Why does this have to be so freaking difficult? Stupid boys....

Getting old is so not fun...

Yeah so, I woke up this morning and I wanted to go for a run so bad this morning. Maybe it was the guilt of knowing I have ate like crap for the past 3 days or just wanting to clear my mind, but I wanted to lace up my shoes and go. I then remembered that I would have made it about a quarter of a mile down the road before my knees started burning and hurting and the walk back would be me listening to my knees creek and make old people noises! So I am instead going to do my strip aerobics, do some squats and hate myself tomorrow when legs feel like someone beat me with a bat and my stomach muscles just plain hurt. I think I am going to give in and start taking this new herbal stuff that is suppose to be great for joints. We will see if my old people knees will get a little better.

Thank you, I love you but know I am OK

I know a lot of you have been worried about me lately, but I just want to set your minds at ease. I am OK. I know you guys tell me I am too nice, too caring, my heart is too big and all the other wonderful things ya’ll tell me but you know I’ll never change those things about me. I may have had a rough patch and been hurt but I am not dying, I just had a broken heart. I will survive. If I could survive Cancer, I can certainly survive a broken heart. Which, by the way May 1st will be 5 years with no cancerous cells if all goes well on my check-up. YAY!!! Anyhow, my point is, I am ok. My long drive to PA was exactly what I needed. I needed it more than anything right now. There is something to be said about getting in your car and just driving. Driving somehow gives me a sense of having control. When something goes sideways in my life, driving is like therapy for me, I think it’s because it’s the only thing I can really control. I was able to process my thoughts and accept that I am still a little twisted, accept that I still miss “Donkey” and accept that I still care about him as well. Most importantly, I accepted that though he doesn't care and it's over, it is OK to feel the way I feel. I am all put back together again but you guys know me… I don’t let someone even close to entering my world unless I think they are worthy and when I care about someone even just a little bit I do it a 110%..... I obviously cared about him more than a little bit and for over a month now, I have beaten myself up about the way things happened and tortured myself about not allowing him to see who I was or being able to get my words out right. Because I was scared, I became “that girl” and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was doing little things and saying little things hoping to push him away so I wouldn’t get hurt. I never want to be “that girl” again and I have forgiven myself so that I can move forward and never be “that girl” again. I am ok and I will be ok because, I know that me becoming “that girl,” you know the “typical” girl is not who I am and it was only fear that controlled me. Even now that I am all put back together and back to good, I can honestly say I am better for it. He is a great guy and though I still care about him, I am not saying this because I still care about him, he treated me right(minus his indecisiveness and not caring about me…)I haven’t been that happy dating someone in a long, loooong time. Even if things didn’t end up the way I had hoped( ya know dating some more and moving into a relationship….cause that’s what dating leads too…lol) I really did learn something… a lot of things actually. I know some of you think it’s ridiculous that I haven’t started dating again but you should know by now when I still care about someone whether I have given up hope or not, I won’t jump into something else. I don’t want just someone and I don’t do the whole date-to-date thing… I am quite fine being single and we all know how I feel about being hit on in bars. I know how ya’ll feel but the boys at the bar, who cares that I gave them a fake number, attractive or not, I am a person with an honest heart and if my mind is on someone else, I won’t go there. I don’t fall for cheap lines and know a boy in a bar hitting on girls is not the guy I want. I want the friendship before any of that…. Ya’ll buy into that shit and call me crying when they don’t call 3 days later… I never have to worry about it…. Yeah it’s flattering and all you think I am hot but the farthest you will ever get to me is buying me a drink.... My philosophies are amazing…. Ya’ll should pay attention to them. Even after a bottle and a half of wine and hot bath later, I can honestly say that this opening has been good for me. I had a nice drive up here( and look forward to the long drive home) the time by myself tonight to just listen to music and think has done wonders for my heart! I am ok and know that I appreciate all your calls and worry but my feelings for “donkey” won’t change tomorrow but I will still be OK! I love you and thank you!

P.S. Top 10 songs of the night.....

10.What I'd give-Sugarland
9.Why do I still want you-Andy Griggs
8.Realize-Colbie Caillat
7.All over you-Pat Mcgee
6.Addicted-Saving Able
5. What's on my mind- Blake Shelton
4.Don't think I don't think about it-Darius Rucker
3.That's just Jessie-Kevin Denney
2.Waht hurt's the most- Rascal Flatts
1. What if it all goes right-Melissa Lawson

Stupid Crackberry!

Ok, Ok, I love my phone! I am actually in a secret relationship with my phone but I think I am going to have to end it soon and find a new one! I am recently finding out that my phone just dials people when it's in my purse! Sorry everyone! I do lock my phone but I am realizing that my phone has a mind of it's own and unlocks and calls people! If you have been one of my phones unfortunate victims, I am sorry! My phone apparently has suffered a lot of abuse over the year! The track ball is almost falling out and this morning while watching Sex and the City I threw the remote down and it landed on the perfect spot to crack the screen on my damn phone! I suppose I am going to have to call and get a replacement! I just hope it can hold itself together till I get back from PA!