Men Don't Change!

As Chris Brown and Rhianna have recently made headlines, it can’t help but bring up memories. Oprah said it best the other day, “he hits you once, he will hit you again.” Now for those of you, who know me, you know what I am talking about but for those of you who don’t take this is a life lesson. Many people are starting to question whether Rhianna and Chris are getting back together and why. Well, let me explain. It has been no secret that I was in an abusive relationship for a long, long time. For those of you who have been there through the bruises, breaks and cuts, you will understand why people do it for those of you who don’t know me and for those of you who have had them, I hope you get why people do what they do and it’s unacceptable. Now, 5 and a half years of my life was eaten away by a poisonous relationship and the details and a lot of my emotions, have haunted me. I am very private about but the situation in detail yet I have no problem talking about the situation as a whole. Especially, if someone who needs to hear this is listening…. It starts very simple. It is that subtle little comment that makes you question yourself (whether it attacks your intelligence, looks, or self worth.) These comments continue just long enough to make you feel as if he is the best guy you can find because you aren’t worth anyone else’s time. As time moves on it begins with a shove or a firm grab. Testing the waters to see if submission has set in, it will be something very slight and subtle. Something they can play off. Then, once they believe you will not fight back, leave them, or tell someone the truth, it turns into a full-blown throws or a punch. Initially, the words break you down making you feel worthless, as if you deserve what is coming next. Then the first “time” happens. It’s like a dream…. I know…. Did it really happen? When reality sets in you and you realize the reality of the situation, his words start to creep in… “I am sorry BUT you pushed my buttons in a way no one else has.”” I have never done that before.” “ I am sorry, I will never do it again.” You start to wonder why you are such a bad person that you were able to push someone to that extent. You feel as if you were the problem! It was your fault. Actually, it wasn’t your fault and no matter what you had said, he would have done it anyways. It will never stop, flowers, cards, candy and jewelry are not enough to prove they are sorry. You are worth more than flowers, cards candy and jewelry. Take it from me, if you don’t leave it only gets worse. Even 9 years after my abusive relationship, this guy terrorizes me. I still get the phone calls and am afraid to go in areas he may be. I lose a lot of myself in new relationships because of this guy. Me who is always goofy, the life of the party and always has something to say becomes very reserved, quite, and dumb when I get around someone I really like because of my fears. Only once I completely trust someone do I allow them to see all of me. This has cost me a lot of great guys…. Those guys weren’t willing to find out why I am who I am. Women stay with an abusive man because they lose all of their self worth. It’s not about the physical abuse; it’s all of the mental abuse that no one understands. You do deserve better and the longer you stay the harder it is to become close to someone even years down the road! No one is worth compromising who you are…. Someone who loves you for who you are, accepts your past, loves you who you are and who you will become! Stay strong and fight to be you!