Friend or Foe

True Friends
Most of us grew up, thinking our parent’s were crazy and knew nothing about what it was like to be a kid in this generation. I did and I especially did when my mother looked at me one day and said “honey, one day you will realize that it’s not important how many people you know, but how many true friends you have, and if your lucky you’ll have a handful, but know that true friends don’t come a dime a dozen and you’ll be able to count the real true friends on one hand.” I don’t know if it’s my age or maybe just the lessons that bad friends have taught me but, she was right. A friend is a friend, with out question, with out expectation, they are always there. They are there when things are great, they are there when things get tough, and they are there just to sit on a couch next to you staring blankly at the TV in silence because words aren’t needed. We get to a point in life sometimes where we realize I have enough friends, friends who have earned their spot in my life, who have been there through thick and thin, friends who know what’s wrong before I even say a word. If someone wants a friendship it’s a two way street of working hard and loving harder. A true friend becomes family. Time wasted on “friends” who don’t put in the effort or share their love, is time wasted. These people are not “friends” they are aquaintences. A true friend never walks out, never abandons you, and most importantly a true friend doesn’t waver. When you think about the worst thing in the world that could happen to you, and you think about what friends would be there with no question no alterior motives, or agenda, most people are lucky if they can think of 5. It makes no sense to me the heartlessness people put in to making new friendships knowing they are not going to follow through, knowing they aren’t being themselves, knowing that at some point they are going to walk away. Why? Why waste anyone’s time trying so hard, just to walk away? But people do it, and it’s the real true friends that are left standing there wondering what just happened, who is this person, where did it all go wrong? Friendship is earned, it is a give/take relationship, it is more than someone who will sit next to you in a bar, has dinner with you here and there, plays words with friends with you or uses you for something they need, it is not one sided and anyone who walks away from a true friend for whatever reason does not deserve the title of friend.

Life is going to happen, the rest is what you make of it...

Life is never easy and if it is, wait a minute and that will pass. It is like this for everyone and anyone who says it isn’t is lying. Who you are is not determined by what happens to you, but by what you do with it. Growing up we are taught by society what it is to be strong and what it is to be weak. Don’t cry it shows weakness, don’t let people see your anger it shows defeat, and taking risks makes you a risky person. As alluring and simple as that all sounds I realized at a young age that sometimes following the rules doesn’t work and coloring outside the lines is a lot more fun.
Sometimes being strong is allowing yourself a moment of “weakness”. Crying is an emotion to express pain and sorrow when words are just not enough. It can cleanse the soul, soothe the heart, and ease the mind. As someone who rarely cries in front of people, I understand the desire to not look like a blubbering idiot in front of people. I may not do it in front of everyone, but I cry, I cry when I need to and I am not ashamed about it. Through the tears you will find solace, something settling and relaxing happens after a long, hard cry. This does not make you a weak person, it in fact, takes a strong person to admit you are hurt and face the hurt head on.
A rule I set for myself years ago was that you have to allow yourself to be mad or sad for a minute and then rise above it. Giving yourself an allotted time to be angry is actually quite healthy. You set the boundaries and the rules but make sure that they are rational and logical. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying I have been dealt a shitty hand and I don’t like it. There is also absolutely nothing wrong with saying you make me mad and I am not going to tolerate it. By dealing with it initially, by facing it head on, you can learn to let go. If you dwell on it, bottle it up, or avoid it, your anger will eat you alive and seep out in to your life through your words, smile, and relationships! I know, I know... We are taught not to let people see that they have made us angry because it means they won. They only win if it over powers you.
I remember someone once telling me about things being to risky and how it was going to make me look or affect me. Well, I guess then I made the decision to be a risky person and from that point on I wasn’t going to care what people thought about me. Call me crazy but I believe taking risks is a sign of strength. Not being afraid to fail because you know you tried something no one else would, telling someone how you feel even if you know you won’t get the response you want ,or being strong enough to eliminate someone from your life no matter how much you care about them, just because you know they aren’t healthy for you, those are risks. It’s a risk to let someone into your life as well. But with out those risks things like electricity wouldn’t exist, you would never find the person you are destined to spend your life with, and the people who haven’t earned a spot in your life would be all you knew. You have to take a chance and sometimes it’s doing something you want to, something you don’t, and sometimes it’s something scary but in the end I have found I am always a lot happier.
When life gets tough, when you are feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom, it’s normal, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to take a leap of faith and take a risk. You become stronger by accepting and allowing yourself to have weak moments. You will always pull through, you will always survive it, just maybe not with the people you thought would be there, just maybe not in the way you thought you would, and just maybe not with-in the timeline you want. You are loved and supported. Sometimes you have to stop taking care of everyone else, and worrying about their problems, sometimes you gotta take care of yourself first!

Before you judge me, know me

So, I have recently been told that I don’t really allow people to see the real me. “I don’t let people know the real me. Is that true?” No. I don’t fake who I am, I just don’t let people see all of me. I don’t hide all of me but I just don’t let people see all sides to me until I know they truly do care about me. I have often said you and those of you who have taken the time to get to know me also know this, I am not your typical girl and to know me is to know that. So let me give you a little insight in case you are curious.


-First and foremost, the most commonly misunderstood thing about me. Let’s get this straight right now…. I am not materialistic at all. I do enjoy shopping, I do enjoy expensive things, however, I don’t have to have them and I don’t need them. I am just as content shopping at Target or TJ MAXX. I would rather live on a farm and muck stalls than live in Manhattan or DC. It’s not my scene. I certainly can get all dressed up and hit the town but I am a simple girl who loves the comforts of home. Privacy and quiet southern style living is more my desire. Shopping on 5th avenue is something I could do once a decade without feeling ridiculous but I would much rather hang out on the river, ride a horse, sit at a dive bar, or spend time with friends at concerts and laid back events. If you knew me and the real reason I shop, you would understand that it’s not something I will always do and there is a reason I do it so much now!

-I am a talker but when I am thinking about something or I am shy or uncomfortable, even a little uncertain about a situation or a person, I am quiet.

-It’s all or nothing with me. If I am going to do something, I put everything I have into it. I know when to cut my losses but if it is something I am interested in, I will always try 100% to see what the outcome will be. If I am interested in someone for example, I do not want to rush into anything but I have to know that we are on the same page and staying on the same page to move forward continuly or else I need to cut my losses. If someone has no desire to ever get more serious, I have to leave. If someone knows they care but aren’t sure where it is going but want to continue to see if there could be a next step, ok. I am all in. If someone knows they want something but aren’t ready yet but want to continue to help the relationship grow. Ok, again I am all in. I just have to know which one it’s gonna be. I won’t waste your time and don’t waste mine. Once I am secure in knowing, I am fine.

-I am very blunt. If I have something I feel strongly about I will say what is on my mind. I may have to talk to someone and collect my thoughts but I will say it.

-I truly respect people for who they are and what they do. I will always put myself in someone else’s shoes and figure out where they are coming from. That doesn’t mean I have to like them but I do respect them. That being said, I do not believe you can change someone and nor should you try. So girls, stop trying to change your men.

-I have not had the perfect life with white picket fences like some of you would like to think. If you knew me and knew what I have been through and why I am the person I am today, you would know that. I have had far from a perfect life or even normal.
-When I make a decision to let someone into my world, my life, my heart, it is because I love and trust them unconditionally.


-My relationships with my father, mother and sister were far from perfect and still are. I just value family over everything else.

-My feelings about my father and his death are very private to me and I do not share them with anyone but those I truly trust and I know love me. I can easily talk about my father dying but I do not easily talk about my feelings about it and the issues I have with it. So because I talk about it doesn’t mean I am really TALKING about it.

-I love you. Is a hard thing for me. It is not easy for me to say or hear. They are words I take very seriously and scare me all at the same time. Once, I have heard it and the feelings behind it are real, I will get the words out and once I do it’s not a problem. The first time with anyone friends, family, and boyfriends is hard for me.

-I would do almost anything for anyone, even my worst enemy or someone I have never met. Though I get taken advantage of often, I will not compromise who I am to change that. If you have and someone else does not you should give to them. If they wrong you, it is not your fault, it is theirs. You were still a good person.

-I laugh at inappropriate times, I cry at chessy movies, I am the worlds biggest klutz, I have my insecurities, I love 80’s and early 90’s TV shows, I am a little high class, a little white trash, a little bit country and a lot of ok with that. I curse like a sailor and hate it, I have dreams bigger than the world, and I am as quirky as they get.


Now, that is certainly not all of me but there is a piece of me. I am not the cold hearted bitch some like to think I am. I am just jaded and it takes me a while to truly trust someone. I have been screwed by my friends, boyfriends and even my family so I reserve a lot of myself until I know someone’s intentions are good and true. So please, understand that it’s not personal, I am not faking anything, I just need to reserve myself until I know what someone’s intentions are.